No one marriage is exactly like another. You and your spouse create your marriage story one day at a time and one decision at a time. Making the most of your marriage can feel like work for some and fun for others. The important thing is to be intentional about nurturing your most important relationship outside of your personal relationship with God—your marriage. If you don’t take that time, it’s easy for your marriage to head downhill fast. Here are some ideas that can help you make the most of your marriage:
Do fun activities together.
My husband, Joel, is really into cars. I’m not. I am really into walking on the beach while watching the sun set. Joel’s not. But we honor each other by making time to take part in and support the other person’s interests. Sometimes I go to car shows with Joel and sometimes he walks on the beach with me. And more often we do activities together that we both enjoy. The key is a healthy give and take. Spending time together sounds like an obvious piece of advice but if we’re not careful it’s easy to get distracted by other commitments and put time with our spouse on the back burner.
Tip: At the start of each month sit down together and plan time in your schedule for daily, weekly and monthly time together. Writing it down on the calender can help you make it a priority.
Connect with God as a couple.
Even before we married, Joel and I decided to regularly read the Bible together and pray with each other. I cannot tell you the difference it makes in how close I feel to Joel and the strength it gives our relationship. We read, discuss, pray and talk about what we’re reading and how it applies to our lives. It’s so encouraging! We also regularly attend church and serve together. Staying connected to God as a couple will breathe life into your marriage and give you a solid foundation for tough times.
Tip: Make a daily or weekly date with your spouse to seek God together and then be intentional about following through.
You are more than mommy & daddy.
After years of interacting with married friends who have children, I find that generally people fall into one of two camps. They either have an unhealthy balance of making life solely about their children while letting their marriage relationship fall by the wayside; or they are intentional, despite being busy, about making time for each other away from the kids so they can nurture their relationship.
God created relationship with man and then marriage before He ever brought kids into the mix. It is healthy, necessary and good to spend regular time alone with your spouse. It helps you and your spouse stay connected, reminds your kids that they are part of the family—not the sole focus–and also gives your kids an example of how to have a healthy marriage in the future.
Tip: Trade off free babysitting with a friend, neighbor, co-worker or family member. Hire a sitter. Have a candlelit picnic on the living room floor when the kids have gone to bed. There are ways to make this work!
Let go of unrealistic expectations.
With the world’s “you can do it all” expectations, it’s easy to be too hard on ourself or our spouse when we actually can’t “do it all. Disappointment usually comes when expectations are not met. Take some time this week to think about any unrealistic expectations you are holding yourself and your spouse to and then choose to let go of those expectations.
Tip: Take time to talk with your spouse about which unhealthy expectations you can replace with healthy ones.
Regularly check in with each other.
Take at least a short time each night to talk with your spouse about how your day was and how you’re doing. Turn off distracting electronics, look at each other and really listen. Joel and I have started intentionally doing this and it makes a huge difference in feeling connected to each other and feeling appreciated. Maybe you need time when you first get home from work to unwind, then you want to talk. Or maybe it’s after your kids go to bed. Figure out what works best for you as a couple.
Tip: Turn off the phone, computer and TV and give your spouse your undivided attention.
