Tasha’s relationship with her boyfriend had lots of emotional ups and downs. Things would be going along well when suddenly her boyfriend would go ballistic over some small shortcoming or perceived slight. He blamed every problem—big and small—on her. Was she really that bad, or was she dating a loser?
In the context of dating, I describe a loser as a hurting person who hurts others. He or she lacks self-awareness, and hasn’t chosen to do the hard work needed to heal, change, and grow.
I realize some people might react negatively to the term “loser,” because in God’s eyes, everyone has value, worth and purpose. In that sense, no one is or ever could be a loser. But for many reasons, some people are not healthy individuals where they currently are. Maybe in 10 years they will be, but not now. And, the key word is maybe. Before you marry the person you are dating, here’s a quick checklist to help you identify whether that person is a healthy choice at this time.
Answer Yes or No to the Following Questions:
The person I’m dating generally:
_____ blames others (me) rather than takes personal responsibility for bad choices and mistakes.
_____ prefers to stay the same rather than stretch, change and grow.
_____ is stuck in self-pity and uses failure and loss as an excuse for lack of growth and maturity.
_____ tends to act out his or her feelings whether others are hurt or not.
_____ avoids pain at all costs.
_____ holds onto past hurts and resentments and has problems “letting them go.”
_____ tends to hide the truth or is afraid to be honest about his or her feelings and weaknesses.
_____ focuses on self and ignores the feelings and wishes of others.
_____ feels threatened by any interests and/or activities you have that don’t include him or her.
_____ perceives seeking the advice or help of others as a sign of weakness.
_______________________________________________
Scoring for the Quiz
If you answered yes to:
1-3 of the above questions
you are probably dealing with some of the normal struggles of close relationships. We all have areas in which we can grow and How NOT to Date a Loser can help you do that.
4-5 of the above questions
you probably are involved in a moderately dysfunctional relationship. How NOT to Date a Loser will help you identity and overcome any obstacles so that you can move toward the joy of an intimate loving connection.
6 or more of the above questions
you are probably involved in a dysfunctional relationship. I could say you are probably dating a loser. Start reading How NOT to Date a Loser now as this book can save you years of untold pain and agony!
Tasha answered yes to 7 of the above questions. She realized her boyfriend was not emotionally healthy at this time and chose to end the relationship. It is crucial to your personal well-being to recognize whether or not you’re currently involved in an unhealthy dating relationship. If you are, protect yourself from potential years of pain by having the courage to detach yourself from a destructive relationship. At this point in your life, the other person does not have the ability to give or receive love.
If you are already married to an unhealthy person, please know that God can meet you both where you are. Divorce is not always the best or most immediate solution. Pray right now that God would bring healing. Then have the courage to seek help from your pastor or another caring professional.
