Sometimes opposites don’t attract — they attack! While waiting for a plane to depart, I overheard two female passengers talking. The younger woman noticed that her new acquaintance wore a wedding ring on the middle finger, instead of the ring finger. Curious, the younger woman asked, “Why do you wear your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The elder woman replied, rather abruptly “’Cause I married the wrong man!”
A whole lot of men and women feel like they married the wrong person once financial history, bad debts, and low bank account balances finally get revealed. It’s not only the past, but differences in present and future money-management styles that can cause rifts in even the most loving households. When it comes to money matters, sometimes opposites don’t attract; instead they attack!
Experts contend that money and sex are topics that bring most people into counseling and are the topics couples find most difficult to discuss calmly. In fact, financial differences are the leading cause of marital discord today. According to one survey by the Consumer Credit Counseling Service, 60 percent of married respondents reported fighting about money with their spouses and more than 93 percent reported that financial problems increased the amount of stress in their lives.
What happened to living happily ever after? It’s still possible, with honest and frequent communication. Without such communication you could find your money and your relationship bankrupt. In the midst of planning for the wedding and honeymoon, spend some time working on the household budget. I know, it’s not as romantic as a moonlit stroll on the beach, but it could prevent a daylight dash to divorce court.
In Genesis 2:24 the Bible captures the essence of marriage, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (ESV). These three things – leave, cleave, and become one – involve every aspect of the marital relationship, including money. Although most people have heard these words, many don’t know what they mean. Let’s talk about them from a financial perspective.
The first step in marriage is for the man to leave his father and mother. If you’re living in your mother’s basement, borrowing your daddy’s car, or still collecting an allowance from your folks, you ain’t ready to get married! When a man is prepared to marry a woman, he is totally self-sufficient and equipped to lead his own household.
Second, a husband must cleave to his wife. In other words, the brother’s gonna “stick like glue” or hang on as tight as he can to his new spouse. This expression, “hold fast to,” transcends the physical union with the body and represents a union with the whole person. Brothers, when you say “I do,” you proclaim that everything you possess is shared with your spouse; there’s no more “mine,” only “ours.” Your new job is to please, provide for, and care for your wife. In doing so, you fulfill one of a woman’s greatest needs in marriage — security.
Third, God says if a man will leave and cleave, he and his wife will become one flesh. That’s a promise. When you become one flesh, you may have different perspectives about money, but they become complementary rather than divisive. If one is a saver and the other a spender or one is conservative and the other a risk taker, a balance is found that allows you to move in unison toward the goal of building a fruitful and lifelong partnership. When you become one, the differences make the relationship better. You sharpen one another, cover each other’s blind spots, and bring fresh viewpoints, which lead to a better financial life where there’s harmony instead of discord.
Within a marriage relationship, the husband and wife are financial partners, dedicated to one another in times of feast and famine. They use God’s Word, communication, and budgeting to master their money and their marriage.
Adapted from Lee Jenkins on Money: Real Solutions to Financial Challenges by Lee Jenkins.
