I realize some people might react negatively to the term “loser” because in God’s eyes, everyone has value, worth and purpose. In that sense, no one is or ever could be a loser.
But we can all acknowledge that for many reasons some people are not healthy individuals where they currently are. Maybe in ten years they will be healthy, but not now. And the key word is maybe. So let me explain what I mean by the word “loser.”
In the context of dating, a loser is a hurting person who hurts others because he or she lacks self-awareness and hasn’t chosen to do the hard work needed to heal, change, and grow.
A more practical description of a loser is found when you contrast that person’s behavior with that of healthy people.
- Losers blame others. Healthy people take personal responsibility for their bad choices and admit their mistakes.
- Losers prefer to stay the same and don’t see the need for change and growth. Healthy people want to learn and grow.
- Losers, like healthy people, have junk and sin in their lives, but losers make excuses for it. Healthy people work to overcome their problems and not be controlled by their past. They move beyond it.
- Losers stay stuck in self-pity. Healthy people bounce back from failure and loss even when it’s hard.
- Losers act out their feelings instead of talking or praying about them. Healthy people recognize and own or acknowledge their feelings.
- Losers avoid pain at all cost. Healthy people understand pain is a part of living and growing.
Recognizing whether or not we are involved in an unhealthy relationship is crucial to our personal and professional well being. We can protect ourselves from years of untold pain by having the courage to avoid and detach ourselves from people who, unfortunately, do not have the ability to give or receive love. And, of course, we all want to work at making sure that we are not a loser and that we are growing and changing in a healthy way.
Adapted from How NOT to Date a Loser: A Guide to Making Smart Choices
