“Do you (insert bride’s name here) take this man along with his 47 t-shirts, his pocket knife collection, and that ugly, ratty football jersey he got from the quarterback of his favorite team?”
“Yeah. I think so.”
“And do you (insert groom’s name here) take this woman along with her flowery bedspread, gajillion throw pillows and plan to girl up all your man stuff?”
Umm…can I keep my football jersey?”
These vows probably won’t make it into your wedding ceremony. But stuff is definitely something you should think through as you seek to start marriage right. You see, becoming “one flesh” also means becoming one household, which means a merger of all of your possessions. That may seem like a trivial issue in light of the big stuff like communication, sex, and finances. But as an old-married type myself, let me assure you that “stuff” will play a role in some of your major disagreements as husband and wife.
Here’s some background information: I’m a pitcher. I crave simplicity and minimalism. Nothing thrills me more than a clean and organized closet. And, I’m not nostalgic in the least. I throw away birthday cards as soon as I read them because I think if I’m going to throw them away eventually, I might was well expedite the process.
My husband is a saver. He likes to keep everything in preparation for the ever-illusive “rainy day.” And he’s super nostalgic. He remembers where he was the first time he heard every rock n’ roll song and he keeps the ticket stubs from every concert where he heard the live version.
These two approaches to our things have caused some friction over the years. But when I look at the big picture, I can see that we have ultimately balanced each other out in this area. If it weren’t for Jason’s attitude toward stuff, I would live in a very clean house with very little fun stuff in it and no material reminders of the great memories we’ve made. If it weren’t for my attitude toward stuff, Jason would be on one of those hoarder shows on TLC. Neither one sounds like a very happy, fruitful, nor blessed existence.
So, as you prepare to say, “I do” to your mate and his or her stuff, let me give you a few key principles to keep in mind.
Just because it’s not yours, doesn’t mean it doesn’t have value.
There are some things that belong to your spouse-to-be that you will have no use for. They may not fit into your color scheme for your new living quarters. They may take up a lot of space. They may be just plain ugly. But if they matter to your mate, they should stay. Choosing to respond in this way allows you to express respect, love, and your delight that your lives are now combined.
Use stuff as a reminder that “two becoming one” applies across the board.
In Genesis 2:24
we find a romantic little gem:
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
And when God says “they shall become one” He means it. Marriage is about joining yourself with another person for life. Healthy marriages blur the lines between where one person begins and the other ends. So “your stuff” needs to become “our stuff” with the ultimate goal of creating a home filled with stuff that both of you enjoy and appreciate.
Don’t keep stuff as a way to hold on to your single days or to remind you of when your space was more your own. If your stuff blends well with your partner’s and helps you have a unified home, keep it. If not…put it in the yard sale pile.
Remember where your real treasure is.
Jesus’ words on material possessions remind us that material things are ultimately just not worth fighting about.
Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Mtt. 6:19-21).
When you are tempted to nag about, box up or “accidentally” pitch your spouse’s stuff, remember where your real treasure is. Then seek to honor God by treating your spouse with love, respect, and kindness.
Ultimately, stuff is just, well, stuff. As you and your partner start the process of building a home together, be reminded that a strong marriage is based on more eternal things.
