Q: My husband and I read your book. We have agreed once again to work on our marriage. We have tried several times to work on our marriage, but he always reverts back to infidelity with different women. Even if I express his primary love language, do you think that he can change. He tells me that he loves me, but trust in our marriage has been broken on his part and it is exhausting to try to earn my trust. He has the attitude that he is darned if he do and darned if he don’t!! What can I do?
A: Let me say first of all that trust is not easily reborn after there’s been infidelity. The only way for trust to be reborn is for him to be trust worthy. Now what I hear you saying is that he has been unfaithful to you sexually numerous times in the relationship.
The only way that he can regain t trust is for him to be faithful to you over a period of time. What I would say to him, if he really wants to regain your trust, is to say to you, “My cell phone and computer are yours any time you want to look at them. If I tell you that I’m going to see “George” to help him work on his car, I’m happy for you to call over there to make sure I’m there. I’m through with deceit, I don’t want to hide anything else in my life and I want to be faithful to you.”
If he takes that stance then, over a period of a year or two years, you can come to trust him again. But if he doesn’t take that stance and continues to be unfaithful to you, there’s no way that your trust will be reborn. Can he be helped? Can he be delivered from multiple cases of infidelity? The answer is yes but not on his own and not with his will power. He will need the help of God and likely the help of one of God’s people, a counselor or pastor, to help him break that addiction in his life—if it is multiple than it is an addiction. He will need divine help to help him break the power over that in his life.
