Q: “We are a newlywed couple. Just before getting married my fiancé joked two different times about good looking women in front of me. I got offended and when we talked about it, he said for him it didn’t mean anything and that it was only a joke—we moved on. Now that we are married I’ve been having serious jealousy issues. After marriage, is it ok to think that there are other people are good looking? If so, how does this affect jealously in the marriage?”
A: There is no question about it—men are attracted to women and particularly what they consider to be beautiful women. It’s a human phenomenon and we’re not going to erase that. However, how you handle that is a key issue. If a young man, married or unmarried, is simply focused on women and always looking at them as sexual objects, then he is distorted in his sexual perception; We are not to look at someone as sexual objects.
I understand why you would have jealousy issues on this and I think that’s normal. I think those need to be expressed to him and that he needs to honor that. If it hurts you for him to say something about a good-looking woman, then I don’t think he should say that. He probably can’t keep the thought from running through his mind but he doesn’t have to express that to you.
Let me point out, though, that it doesn’t necessarily mean that he is wanting to be with that woman rather than be with you. It simply means he has been verbalizing to you what runs through his mind.
So, I can understand why your are hurt and offended. I think you should share those feelings with him and he should not be verbalizing those thoughts with you, but rather take those thoughts to God.
Laslty, I think a guy who doesn’t deal with sexual thoughts of women will likely along the road let down his guard and get involved; he has to take those thoughts to God. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging beauty, but there is certainly something wrong with lusting after a woman.
