“How do you spell ‘love’?” – Piglet
“You don’t spell it…you feel it.” – Pooh”
– A.A. Milne
Love is a feeling, which in order to be felt needs to be converted into practical ways. As husband and wife, we need to find tangible ways to show each other how much we care.
Too often, however, converting feelings into actions falls by the wayside as we become overwhelmed with raising children, working, ministry and life in general. We often don’t have energy left to think of ways to care for our spouse.
I decided to pose the following question to some of my friends: ‘How does your husband show you he cares for you?’, in the hope of getting some new ideas to pass on to my husband!
Below are some of the answers.
I feel cared for when:
- He gives me the space to do what God has called me to do.
- He supports my God-given gifts
- He brings me surprise cappuccinos
- He spends time with us as a family
- He works so hard to provide for the family
- When he goes out of his way to surprise me
- When he listens to me
- When he looks after me when I am sick
- When he protects me and stands up for me in front of my in-laws
- He lets me sleep in and takes the children to school when he knows I have had a bad night
- He makes me tea when the children go to sleep and when I wake up in the morning
- He trusts me with the finances which allow me to be generous to others
- When he opens the car door for me and helps me carry heavy parcels
- When he stands up to the kids for me
- When his kind to my family and friends
- He does the shopping and goes out of his way to get items I need
- He surprises me with my favorite yogurt, wine or chocolate
- He cooks supper and does the dishes
Then I asked ‘what do you do in return to make your husband feel cared for’ and had to laugh at some of the immediate responses!
‘Not enough!’
‘Hmm…food for thought indeed.’
‘Well, that has stopped me in my tracks.’
My husband feels cared for when:
- I spend undistracted time with him
- I do the practical daily things – shop/cook/kids
- I bake him biscuits
- I welcome his physical advances
- I listen to him, encourage him and pray for him
- I give him support to do the work God has called him to do
- I make him all the things he loves to eat
- I hugely respect him and make sure I voice it out loud
- He loves eating new foods and I try to cook different things all the time
- I try by all means to avoid quarreling as he hates it so much
- I find out what his hobbies are and then suggest we do them together
- I support him in his ministry and do home visits with him
- I initiate sex
- (there were many more answers relating to sex and food!)
One wife repeated the question to her husband and this was her reply to me
“He says sex…he’s now panicking cause he can’t think of anything else…”
It seems that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach and physical intimacy and the way to a woman’s heart is through helping her in practical ways and by spending time with her! But each couple is different, so spend some time making these lists for yourself!
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. (1 John 3:18)
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Photo Copyright: arthurhidden / 123RF Stock Photo
