Before I was in a serious relationship, I remember questioning why everyone said marriage was such hard work. I didn’t understand. If you’re annoying each other, stop it. If your fighting about the same things, don’t do them anymore. If you’re being wronged, explain how you feel! From an outsider’s perspective, I could not understand how hard it can be to simply get along.
But marriage has shown me over the past 6 months that my old mindset was naive. I have realized how much I don’t know myself. In many ways, being with another person in a marriage covenant is much like staring into a magnifying mirror at your own reflection. The kind of mirror that shows you your blemishes up close, the kind that you can only look at for a short period of time. You only wanted to see the one blemish, but now you see all the issues in detail and they’re endless. Sometimes marriage is like that.
Gradually, I start to see:
- The grace I choose to withhold.
- The kindness I don’t extend.
- The hasty temper I act upon.
- The forgiveness I hold back.
- The quick words I speak.
- The defense I quickly take.
- The attitude I don’t check.
Sometimes it can be overwhelming. This magnifying mirror that comes with marriage can easily discourage us. What’s more, the enemy of our souls can make us believe that we are incapable of change.
But these are all lies.
And the light is in our midst.
We are being called deeper.
What if we used every single opportunity as a means to grow? What if we used all the hard and frustrating things to become more like Jesus? What if all this self-realization was actually used the way it was intended – to sanctify us. Let us move forward knowing that various trials, including the ones in marriage, test our faith so that in the end, we will be lacking in nothing.
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