“I love and most importantly, respect my husband. Yes, there are small things that drive me mad, there always will be, and I’m sure the same could be said for him. But, and this is what some forget, they were part of the person you fell in love with and so part of the attraction. Comprises and a good sense of humour as well as love on both sides make a couple strong. Marriage is not all smooth sailing as the media and movies portray, it can be an incredibly rocky winding path with lots of hidden dangers (for want of a better word), but working through these makes us better people and gives us a stronger bond. I could not see myself without my husband, he makes me a better person as I hope I do him. Those that fail in their marriage after trying and trying have a long hard road ahead for it damages the whole family and they get nothing but compassion and love from me, plus a big cheer and support…” – Karen McConkey Court
The above is a comment that a friend of mine made after reading my article Making your Marriage Last.
When we first fall in love we usually see each other through ‘rose-colored glasses’ – that is – we see each other as being more pleasant than we actually are! None of us are perfect and yet during that love-struck phase we day dream constantly about each other and can see no wrong in the other person. This stage of the relationship inevitably (and sadly) has to wear off once the neuro-transmitters in our brain settle down.
It is once we are married, settled into a routine, having to work every day and pay bills, do housework and shopping, have children that reality really hits home hard. It is at this time that we consciously have to say to ourselves about our partner, “I can accept those faults and make allowances for them;” “I choose not to let certain habits that my partner has upset me or irritate me;” “I choose to concentrate on all the good characteristics my partner has.”
It all goes back to that age old saying:
Love is not a feeling, it is an act of your will.
Some good verses to keep in mind once the irritations of daily living starts encroaching on your feelings for your spouse and you feel like throwing in the towel are:
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.” —Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Marriage is a partnership. Two people supporting each other, defending each other and keeping each other warm during those times when life’s sorrows and challenges become overwhelming.
Always bear in mind that in any marriage there will be scary times when your feelings of love will disappear. When that happens you need to remember that marriage is a commitment, a covenant, a promise of a future. You have to go through the motions of love, of caring, of forgiving until you find yourself actually loving and caring and forgiving your spouse in a genuine manner, once again.
