I had a conversation with a friend recently that really got me to thinking about this seemingly off the wall topic, An Affair with God. I was shocked and educated the day we conversed. I pass along gathered pearls of wisdom to hopefully steer you from having to walk a mile in her shoes.
With a sweetness of Christ that enveloped and shined from within her, the soft spoken elderly woman took me back some decades ago. She and her high school sweetheart married young and were like-minded Christians with many goals. As years passed, they fulfilled dreams, some of which included mission trips like ministering to groups in Africa.
As expected, even blissful marriages like hers required give and take. My friend explained one sacrifice she’d made. Upon marriage, she forfeited her life-long aspiration of attending college to instead step into the shadows of her husband in order to support his dream to become a doctor. She figured after he graduated med school, she’d get a teaching degree. That never happened.
Instead and without regret, she devoted her years to being a stay-home housewife and mother of three beautiful children, including two biological sons and one adopted daughter. Admittedly, tough financial times accompanied the blessings of building a family, but the couple persevered.
Every once in a while, low-paying work combined with medical school stresses was an excuse my friend’s husband used to vent behind closed doors. Overtime, his disrespect escalated. On difficult days, my sweet friend recalled how she would get alone, find a quiet place, and envision the two of them standing before God and men on their wedding day. In her heart, til’ death do us part remained a strong promise. She remained faithful. Perhaps in a slightly prideful way, my friend figured she was an awesome wife. In casual terms, she thought things like, “my husband couldn’t ask for a better wife!”
Finally came graduation day! Her husband took a job shortly after walking across the stage. Tough times paid off in quite a literal way. Almost overnight, the two moved from near poverty to prestige. Financial success seemed to alleviate the tension, stress, and disrespect amidst the couple almost overnight. “Once he became a doctor, all seemed well,” my friend explained. “Even in prosperity, we honored God by continually giving time and money to Kingdom work. I would seek out ministry opportunities and encourage my husband to do them with me.”
From the outside looking in, and even from her inside looking out, the couple mirrored that of Christ and His Bride, The Church, until…fast forward to the end of what seemed a beautiful, God-honoring marriage and hear this: one seemingly ordinary day her husband walked in and demanded a divorce due to her “Affair with God!” And no matter how hard she tried to reconcile, he retorted, “I meant what I said; I’m leaving you because you have been unfaithful to me!”
Wait a minute. “Stop right there,” was my reply. Something in this story is missing,” I thought, “You can’t be serious!?” Then, she told me his side of the story. As we know, there are always two sides. She explained that apparently and without realizing it, she’d turned a deaf ear to her husband’s heart regarding the good works to-do list she’d been so avid to keep full. Over the years, he had consistently urged her to stop planning and organizing so many ministry assignments. Mission work was not something he felt called to do. Rather, he’d of preferred more alone time with her. A relatively new Christian, numerous external good works not only added to his day-to-day stresses, but made him feel neglected, so much so that one day he up and decided he was through. He meant it. He demanded a divorce from her due to her, “Affair with God!” His words were piercing and unforgettable! Sadly, decades later they have not reconciled.
This true story really got me to thinking. What exactly is an Affair with God, and is this an off the wall reason for a split? Have others divorced for similar reasons? One question led to another, and I just had to know. I listened to my friend’s continued thoughts, and dove into additional research. Unfortunately, I discovered that similar sad stories do exist. However, though even Christian marriages end for this reason, blaming your spouse for unfaithfulness due to an Affair with God is NOT Biblically justifiable.
The culmination of my research helped me form a definition. An Affair with God is an overactive enthusiasm a spouse has toward something religious in nature which causes his or her partner to feel neglected. Most often, the phrase is used as an unbiblical justification to divorce. An Affair with God refers to a spouse’s imbalanced, unhealthy approach to religious things or activities.
Proverbs 14:12 supports my definition. It reads, “there is a way that seems right but in the end leads to death.” My friend’s story is an example that illustrates both the definition above and the verse that supports it. The road of good intentions she walked only caused trouble in her marriage, ultimately leading her straight to death’s door meaning death to her marriage relationship by way of divorce. Sadly, I am learning that it is not uncommon for an invisible wedge of friction and/or division to develop because of good intended actions. Read on.
Jenna and Bob’s names are changed to protect privacy. In their disheartening divorce story, the roles are reversed. Jenna blamed Bob’s Affair with God for her calling it quits. When Bob wasn’t at work, he spent most of his time alone on prayer walks. He also jumped on every chance he could find to leave the country for mission trips. Months each year, Jenna was alone with their five children. Jenna obviously needed Bob’s day to day help at the house, but even more, she craved her husband’s fellowship and spiritual guidance. Sadly, Bob was blind to the fact that true ministry begins at home. His out of order priorities were at least in part to blame for their divorce.
The other day, I spoke with a woman we will call Liz who was interested in knowing more about the topic of this article. While happily married, she explained that my words confirmed what The Holy Spirit urged her to do a couple days prior as she camped with her family. She’d awakened first and gone off to find a quiet place in the woods to spend time in prayer. After two hours, God beckoned her to wrap up her quiet time, go back to the campsite, and help her husband with the kids who were getting out of bed. As the old hymn goes, while she’d of preferred to, “stay in the garden with Him…,” she chose to obey the voice that, “…bid her to go…” Her husband later thanked her for the much needed help she had given him!
While Liz’s obedience demonstrates accurate application of multiple scriptures pertaining to marriage, for purposes of this article, let’s look at 2 Corinthians 6:14 which reads, “be ye not unequally yoked…” It stands to reason that if we are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers, then we are to be and remain equally yoked to believers, especially in our marriages. To be (or become) unequally yoked is to be (or become) undivided. According to scripture, “a house divided will not stand.”
Liz and her spouse remind me of two yoked horses journeying life’s trails while conquering its many twists, turns, and dips. Their oneness creates a peaceful atmosphere not only for them, but also for their carriage of kiddos. Their relationship not only survives but thrives! On the other hand, the other couples remind me of two horses I recently viewed on America’s Funniest Videos. At first, being yoked, the two peacefully pulled their carriage. However, their entire journey ended abruptly when one horse got a wild hair and tried to run ahead religiously!
Friends, let us not attempt to run ahead of our spouses. We need not strive and stress out as if we have to hurriedly check off a legalistic list of to-do’s. Let’s make it our ambition to stop being religious and focus on our relationships, both to our spouse and to our God who is already in the midst of the two He has made one flesh. Remember, Mark 10:9 as it applies to our own marriages, and vow never to “separate what he has joined together”!
FEATURED CONTRIBUTOR:
Dani Miser is an author and speaker. She is passionate about encouraging others to honor God in their relationships! She truly believes God’s plans for our lives, especially in regards to marriage, are better than the plans we have for ourselves! In chapter one of her book, Single Woman Seeks Perfect Man: Facing the Consequences of Unhealthy Relationships, her testimony displays living proof that God longs to be invited as matchmaker into the lives of His children! Dani has written for publications such as CBN, Archsa.org, Youth Worker Journal, and the Healing Hope Herald. Her book has also been featured on a variety of television and radio broadcasts such as Canada’s Most Listened to Spiritual Talk Show (drewmarshall.ca) and WATC-TV Atlanta, Georgia. Dani and her husband, Cody, reside in in Wichita Falls, Texas, and have three boys ages 5, 7, and 9. Recently, they’ve been blessed with an opportunity to pursue adopting a fourth child! For more information about Dani or her book, visit her blog.
