Today I decided to treat myself with a run to Starbucks for my favorite seasonal indulgence, a gingerbread latte. As I drove the short distance, I could feel the jolly spirit of Christmas welling up inside of me. It would be the perfect way to start a productive day …or so I thought.
Just as I was beginning to pull into the parking lot, a car backed up quickly, missing my car by only a foot. Having narrowly escaped one accident, I quickly parked and decided that I wasn’t going to allow a near fender-bender to steal this festive moment of joy from me. When the barista called out my name, I gleefully grabbed the warm gift to myself and hovered over it as though it were my own personal fireplace. With the delightful scent of gingerbread wafting through my head, I left as one happy camper.
As I was halfway out of my parking spot, I saw two white lights of a car behind me come on, signaling it was going to be backing out of its spot. I slowed up, having learned my lesson on the way in that not everyone looks before backing out. Sure enough, the guy begins to back up without noticing me nearly out of my spot directly behind him. Not having much time, I laid on my horn, but he was seemingly oblivious to the outside world. Frantic as he inched closer to my car, I began to pray that he wouldn’t hit me and quickly maneuvered my car forward in hopes of avoiding what seemed to be an inevitable collision. He finally looked in his rear view mirror and saw me there, stopping inches from my car.
Without any acknowledgment of the fact that he nearly hit me, he breezed off leaving me shaken to the core. When I began to think about what could have happened, I felt my anger and frustration growing. How could I have almost been in two accidents in less than fifteen minutes? I was just trying to treat myself! The anger began to boil inside of me as a parade of negative thoughts began marching their way through my mind.
Suddenly I felt convicted. Going off on a rant was not going to change the situation. The fact of the matter was I did not get in an accident after all. I was spared, and that was something to be thankful for. The situation could have been much worse, but in fact, there was no real harm done. Sure there was what seemed like an eternity where my blood pressure skyrocketed, but in reality, I was unscathed and unharmed.
It reminded me of how many times in life I allow a near accident to become a “disaster.” I focus on what could have been instead of what is. Rather than focusing on the positive side of the situation, I focus on the negative. This is true for my relationships, especially with my husband. We hit a bump in the road and suddenly the world is crashing down on me. Maybe my husband forgets to do something I asked …again …and I begin to roll out the list of repeat offenses. At times my husband may hurt my feelings, and I unfairly conclude he is intentionally being insensitive. Something minuscule becomes major because of my mindset and attitude.
Life is full of ups and downs, just like ocean waves. We can either allow those waves to knock us down and pull us under, or we can hop on them and enjoy the ride. Sure, there are times when we get hurt, but they make us stronger. We can learn from those things. Relationships are predictably unpredictable in the sense that we know we are going to experience pain and struggles, but the when, where, what, and how are to be determined. The best thing we can do is try to make the most of those situations and learn what we can along the way.
If we allow ourselves to focus on all of the negative things in situations, we will be miserable human beings. In reference to the situations I mentioned above with my husband, the reality is he does a lot of the things I ask, and maybe this time he was just busy and forgot. Sure, we hit a bump in the road, but it is another problem we worked through together as a team. Yeah, he hurt my feelings, but he would never mean to. We are all human, including my husband and me, and we make mistakes, are insensitive, forget things, and fail. Rather than taking little near-accidents and turning them into monumental disasters, we need to make the decision to assume, see, and believe the best, especially in marriage.
First Corinthians 13: 4-8 says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” Most of us have heard this verse many times, but it paints an amazing picture of what love is truly about. When we put these things into practice, we not only avoid major accidents in our relationship, but we find the blessing and lesson in the challenges we face together.
While accidents or near-accidents can be scary and leave you swirling with emotions, it is our choice where to go from there. You can be destroyed or built up. It can be disastrous or a learning experience. You can be devastated or grateful. We cannot control situations or others, but we can control ourselves, the things we think, say, and do. Accidents happen and may be out of your control, but the extent of the damage is in your hands.
