Do you have the courage to forgive the person who hurt you the most?
Of all the words written in my new book Forgiving Others, Forgiving Me–those are the words that still haunt the most. It’s taken me over a decade to be able to share my story publicly. I, along with David (see Psalm 32) am living proof that unforgiveness kills.
Let me start with the words of David. He said,
“Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord does not count against them and in whose spirit is no deceit. When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.’ And you forgave the guilt of my sin” (Psalm 32:1-5, NIV).
My story is similar.
When I kept silent my skin (not bones) wasted away. Literally. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was sitting in the hospital bed at San Diego Children’s Hospital with no skin on my face and feet. All because I had cried over a boy. I couldn’t let go. I couldn’t forgive him for leading me on. I wanted nothing more than to feel loved again.
I went three whole days before my mom could get me to stop crying. At that point my body broke down. The rash that had started on my toe spread across the tops of my feet and then to my face when I rubbed the tears off my face.
I.
Was.
Miserable.
I never thought something so dangerous and so rare could happen to me. Even the doctors felt sorry for me. They came in one by one and took pictures of me. I felt like such a loser.
Thankfully, I know that I’m not the only one who struggles to forgive others.
I know now that I’m not a loser. Even though this boy, we’ll call Jake, couldn’t be there for me in ways that I thought I needed–it propelled me into the arms of God. The more time I spent in the Word–the more I realized I need a Savior and desperately need His forgiveness.
When I was in the hospital, my mom read to me from her Bible a passage that I had never heard before. It was the key, I believe, to set me free. Never before had I heard of God injuring you to heal you. Let’s read from Hosea 6:1-3 together. It says,
“Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence. Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth” (NIV).
That was the passage that God used to cut through the unforgiveness, rescue me, and set me on a secure foundation (1 Peter 5:10).
What about you?
Are you struggling to forgive a past relationship?
I want you to know through my story that overcoming is possible!
Because I had never experienced God’s love in such a powerful way, that was what caused me to finally believe. The love I had been searching for in Jake was already made available through God’s son Jesus and his death on the cross.
The moment I choose to repent of my sin and ask God to forgive me I finally felt free both in my heart and my health.
“Forgiveness doesn’t just affect relationships, but the body, soul, mind, and strength. It took my body ten years to heal from that health crash. I don’t know why God didn’t step in and heal me. But because God allowed my rash to spread I have an even bigger story to tell–one that doesn’t just end with forgiveness but restoration. Thankfully, Jake came to me a few years after I had gotten rid of all my bitterness against him—after I had started rebuilding a new life. He apologized and asked me to forgive him. I still have that letter in a journal as a reminder of God’s love for me. So my question for you is this: Do you have the courage to forgive the person who hurt you the most” (Forgiving Others, Forgiving Me, 115)?
As long as you and I search for and hold on to relationships in this world that only God can fulfill we are in danger of death!
Our souls were made hole in Christ and Christ alone.
May you find the courage and strength today and every day to forgive others including yourself so that you may be set free (James 1:21).
