The holiday season brings a wonderful recipe of emotion for many—happiness, love, and maybe a pinch of excitement. However, for others, the holiday season may bring a tsunami of emotional sadness, dread, and loneliness. These individuals feel as if they don’t have much to celebrate . . . or so they think.
Individuals who are single often struggle this time of year. It reminds them that they are alone with no one to exchange gifts, decorate homes, or share feasts with. Dismal depression sets in as they wallow in their singular situation. Although I can empathize with their feelings, I find myself gravitating more toward the celebration of singlehood—a celebration often forgotten on the journey towards love.
This Thanksgiving, for those of you who are single, I would encourage you to look beyond your relationship status to see the value in who you are. While there is no doubt that romantic love brings joys and fulfillment, there are plenty of relationships and aspects in life that should be celebrated and enjoyed while awaiting that anticipated next chapter.
Being single provides a freedom that those in relationships do not enjoy. Your decisions and plans are yours alone. You don’t have to argue or concern yourself with alternating whose family you will spend the holidays with. There is no need to negotiate which family traditions you are keeping and which are taking a hike. Practically speaking, you also can save a beaucoup of money by not having a significant other to splurge on. Being “alone” on Thanksgiving, or any other holiday, provides a freedom to fully explore festivity in the manner in which you most enjoy it.
While it may seem that we may be all alone this holiday season, the reality is we are far from it. There are people who love and care about us all around. Sometimes in our search for love, we neglect or overlook one of the most important and wonderful loves we are already enveloped by – our family. Sure, they have their quarks and imperfections, but don’t we all? Our family is a gift from God. No matter how lacking or flawed our families may be, they are our family entrusted to us by God. While it may not always feel like it or make sense, He knew what He was doing when He gave them to us and us to them. Often times, we simply forget how important family is.
One thing I wish I had been more aware of before I got married is just how blessed I was to get to go home for the holidays. Of course I adore my husband’s family, but there is always a sense of loss when I don’t get to be with my family for a holiday. Traditions are different. Meals are different. And, I can’t help but wish I could look up and see the face of my mom, dad, or sisters. Though it is an amazing blessing to have a whole new family to celebrate with, it is never the way it once was growing up. That is why I say, make sure that to make the most of this season of your life and enjoy each and every holiday with your family. This will free you from regrets and help make the transition to married holidays much smoother.
Besides family, most of us have a group of friends that are a lot like family. Being single gives you the freedom to spend time with those friends and enjoy the value of them in your life at your leisure. You don’t have to think twice about calling them up to spend the day together. It is not uncommon for friendships to change once we are in a relationship. Relationships have a way of pulling us away from our friends for several reasons. One reason is that relationships require a lot of time and energy, which means we have less of those things to spend on our friendships. Another reason is that different stages of life have a way of pulling us in opposite directions from our friends. There is also the reality that sometimes our significant other and friends clash leaving the friendship estranged. There are many ways that a romantic relationship can pull us away from our friendships, but when you are single, those factors don’t exist.
There is an obvious relationship that I don’t want to neglect, and that is your relationship with Christ. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul talks about how being single allows an individual to fervently seek after God. We are free from distraction to give God our full and undivided attention. Being single is a unique opportunity to strengthen your relationship with Christ and pursue His calling on your life. An example of this freedom would be feeling God’s leading to completely uproot and pursue the life of a missionary. It’s not that you can’t do that as a married person, but there is an independence to move freely and quickly in situations that only single people can really enjoy. There is also a lot more time and energy you can devote to cultivating your relationship and personal walk with Christ. Being unattached can greatly enhance your personal relationship with Christ.
One other relationship I want to make sure you think of and are thankful for this Thanksgiving is the one with yourself. Sometimes it is easy to forget the importance of that as we seek out a romantic relationship to make us feel whole, fulfilled, and valued. We are God’s creation—made in His image. It is up to us to recognize our value outside of a romantic relationship. The stage of life before marriage is one in which we can spend quality time with ourselves in order to understand who we are, where we came from, what we want and need out of life. If you want to have a healthy relationship one day, now is the time to start working on yourself. The best marriages are the ones where two whole people are meeting each other in the middle. During this stage of life, take time for yourself to learn and grow as much as possible. Enjoy this unique time to be somewhat self-focused. This is your time to pursue the things you want without concern of how it will affect the significant other in your life. Enjoy it.
This Thanksgiving weekend, if you are single you might be tempted to feel dominated by negative feelings. All the things you don’t have might be bullying their way into your heart and mind. Be determined to push them aside and focus on all of the wonderful, unique, and blessed gifts you have at this stage of your life – freedom, family, friends, Christ, and yourself. There are plenty of loved ones around you, and there is more than enough to be thankful for this holiday season. Ponder upon all your blessings and hopefully you will find yourself thankfully single.
