A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping … only the Lord can give an understanding wife. ~ Proverbs 19:13-14
During my devotion time, I came across these verses. They struck me as profound, and yet, I wasn’t exactly sure in what way. So, I sat there and pondered those words.
To better understand this passage, I began to examine what “quarrelsome” means. Figuring it would be a good starting point, I looked up the word in the dictionary. Inclined to quarrel or disagree; belligerent it read. Hmmm. This is the equivalent of Chinese torture – you know, the dripping water? Something still wasn’t quite clicking for me, but then the light went on.
Women, men need respect. The Bible clearly tells us that we are to respect our husband (Ephesians 5:33). Just like we need to feel loved, men need to feel respected. The truth is most of us women aren’t that great at this. We struggle to demonstrate and convey the respect our man so desperately needs and desires. Instead we carelessly berate and nag at him as though he is some lower life form that doesn’t understand what we are saying.
While communication is important, it is essential to be cautious in our approach. Don’t constantly be nagging your guy about every little detail. They are made differently than we are, and we must take that into consideration. Pick your battles. Approach sensitive or negative topics with sincerity, understanding, and love. Men are amazing at a lot of things, but they are human and very different from women. Be patient, caring, and show grace. Focus on what he does well and choose to let some of the other things “slide.” If it is something that needs to be addressed, start the conversation out with affirmation. Then graciously address the situation, and make sure to create some space for him to respond. I know it’s shocking, but remember that you aren’t perfect either.
Have you ever been around constant dripping water? It is painful, inhibits the ability to focus on anything, and can quite possibly push a person over the edge. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to embody any of those things. Besides that, I want my husband to be able to focus on the things I need him to. Being a quarrelsome wife is not only counterproductive, but it pushes our spouse away. Rather than being the person pushing my husband over the edge, I want to be the person he runs to, his safe haven. When he walks out that door in the morning, I want him to feel like he is the most amazing man in the world and can take on anything that comes his way. I want him to be sad to leave and excited to come home.
There is a missing piece to this puzzle: we need God’s help to be understanding. Only the Lord can give an understanding wife. That means we need to take our impatience, frustration, disrespect, anger, belligerence, and quarrelsomeness to God. We need to ask Him for guidance, help, patience, respect, love, and grace. With God’s help, we can all be respectful, understanding wives that our men love and depend upon.
