Remember when you were sick as a child? My mind flashes back to my mom holding a spoonful of medicine along with a cup of juice to wash it down. Not that it even tasted that bad. Kids’ medicine isn’t like adult medicine. It comes in an assortment of flavors from grape to bubble gum to make the medicine more tolerable.
Now I’m the mom and just the other day, as I was giving a spoonful of medicine to my 6-year-old daughter, a thought crossed my mind. A spoonful of sugar does go a long way to help the medicine go down. I suppose that’s true in marriage too.
Sweetness and tenderness goes a long way when you want to communicate something difficult or awkward to your spouse.
Something that wouldn’t normally taste good.
We’re flawed, human beings so naturally we are all going to need some medicine along the way—and I’m not just talking about aspirin. We need “medicine” to correct us emotionally and spiritually at times. Correction from a spouse can be a bitter pill, yet it is a necessary ingredient to a growing, thriving marriage.
When was the last time you wanted to give your spouse a little medicine? Maybe she was being too whiny or demanding. Take a chill pill.
Maybe he was being a couch potato or terrible listener. Take a pay attention pill.
Yet our corrections can sound harsh, disrespectful, or unloving. So instead of using words that are accusing, use a spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down easier.
Say this, not that.
Instead of saying, “You spend way too much time at the office. Don’t you see I could really use your help at home?” try saying, “Thank you so much for the hard work you do for our family. I would love to see you more often. Is there something we can do to have more time at home together?”
If you’re smart, you won’t say anything like, “I can’t believe dinner isn’t ready yet. What takes you so long every day to do this?” Instead say, “I’ve noticed dinner is a stressful time on most days. Can we talk about how we can make it work smoother for both of us? I am happy to help when I’m available.”
Now, that’s much better!
The law of kindness
When we use wise words that are seasoned with grace and said in the right tone, the overall health of the home improves dramatically. It’s much easier to take correction when it’s communicated in love and respect.
Proverbs 31:26 is a terrific guide for wives (and husbands too):
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.
Before cutting into your spouse for a mistake he or she has made, ask yourself if the words you are about to speak adhere to the law of kindness.
What is kindness? The dictionary defines it as the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. Those qualities in heaping measure certainly help marriage become more of a salve in life instead of an irritant.
The idea of adding a spoonful of sugar doesn’t only apply to serious topics of correction or discussion. It applies to the everyday banter of life.
Say the words “Oh, you’re home” with great joy and that communicates one thing.
Say the same words while rolling your eyes and talking in a monotone voice and that communicates something totally different.
Make a point to coat your everyday words with sugar. And when there’s something you have to bring up which may leave a bitter taste in your spouse’s mouth, remember to use the law of kindness. When you do, your words will be good medicine for your spouse and may even taste like bubble gum.
