Contrary to popular opinion, the best way to live happily ever after is not to “fall” in love; as if love was something you accidentally stumbled upon and had nothing to do with whatsoever. Under that assumption, surely you will eventually get up, dust yourself off, move on and maybe fall in love again.
Finding love, doing love and staying in love have everything to do with you. If you find yourself in the process of moving on from the love to whom you vowed, “till death do us part,” you can do something about it. Let me offer a few suggestions.
First, try seeing your spouse through someone else’s eyes. At one time, you were that someone else and you were mesmerized by your spouse’s positive traits.
In the Army, my husband receives an annual Officer Evaluation Report (OER). He files them away in a career binder, but one time he left it open on the desk, so I snuck a peak.
My husband’s superior officers had nothing but praise for his self discipline, creativity, ingenuity, dedication, leadership skills and respect for others. Tears tingled behind my eyes and I got goosebumps as I read what those who work with my husband thought about him. I am lucky enough that this incredible man picked me!
Another trick to trip yourself back into love: Learn something new together. Nothing breaks you out of a rut like stretching beyond your comfort zone. If your relationship needs new life, try treading some new territory.
My husband’s career requires that we move every couple years. That alone keeps us trying new things—new friends, new streets, new stores and new routines. It causes us to rely on each other when circumstances are unfamiliar. We can’t help but gain new appreciation for each other.
The last tip is as simple as it gets. Every single day, ask, “How was your day?” Those four, seemingly benign words express selflessness, investment in the other person and an interest in sharing common experiences. One single sentence has the potential to strike a new match in your marriage.
Falling in love is the stuff of fairytales. What happens after, “ever after,” after they ride off into the sunset? The real thing that flourishes, “until death do you part,” has everything to do with you.
