My Uncle Biz is a retired lineman (that’s right, I said Biz. Don’t worry, it’s a nickname). As a lineman, Uncle Biz worked up in the bucket repairing power lines, transformers, and other electricity-related items I don’t know anything about. He helped provide power to the wilderness of Maine through some of the most dangerous storms our state has ever seen. But those aren’t the only days he worked throughout his career.
See, even on the sunny days he found himself up in the bucket running tests or performing maintenance. Despite the beautiful weather he, as a lineman, knew the network needed constant attention. And if that network were to be left as it was originally built, it would surely give way when the nor’easter flexed its wintry muscle.
It’s no secret that marriage is a network that requires ongoing maintenance, repair and examination. Yet many couples that are “in the buckets” often work only during the storms. In nearly every season other than one of crisis, they rely on the original construction alone. It is a terrible habit of laziness that results in decay and, because marriage is between two humans, it is in a constant state of atrophy. This process can only be reversed by reversing our humanity—our selfishness. By exchanging our prerogatives for those held by God and others (namely our spouses), we counteract the curse.
So where do we start?
First, realize that, as married people, we’re “in the bucket” and there’s responsibility in our position. Just as Uncle Biz’s house wasn’t the only one on the grid, we’re not the only people affected by the reliability of our marriage. While our children are glaring examples, let us also remember our friends, families and even our society. We’ve statistically failed at marriage in our culture.
Second, we can schedule regular examinations and adjustments. It’s not a question of whether our marriages will need repair, but when and where they will need repair. Uncle Biz would scour the equipment with a critical eye in hopes of detecting potential problems. The parallels are unmistakable.
Lastly, we can seek restoration. Just because a pole is knocked down in a storm doesn’t mean the entire system ought to be destroyed. Uncle Biz knew how important the network was and worked tirelessly to get it back online. Our marriages may see failures, but should not be destroyed on that account. Like Uncle Biz, we must work tirelessly to restore the relationship.
Don’t let divorce be an option.”
My Uncle Biz worked the lines for 23 years and has been married for 40 years.
