My daughter, Corynn, is convinced that she’s never leaving home. At seven, she made up her mind that Mom and Dad take such great care of her that she’ll just stay.
But she knows I’ll have none of that. One of the hardest questions Corynn has ever asked me is,
Dad, who do you love more, me or Mom?”
Ouch! Naturally, my first response to a question like that is to act like I didn’t hear the question, or I squint my eyes as though I didn’t understand the question. She has me wrapped around her little finger.
“I love your mommy and you both,” I say gently, “but God wants me to love Mommy in a different way. Your mommy and I are together for life in a covenant relationship. We will be together until one of us goes to heaven or Jesus returns. But you, Corynn, will not be with us forever. You will one day leave our home and start a family of your own.”
Corynn is quick to reply, “I want to be with you and Mommy forever.”
“You can’t be with us forever, Corynn,” I say.
As tears form in her eyes, she glares at me and says, “I am going to college online and staying home forever. You can’t make me leave.” While I must admit I like the sound of that from a tuition standpoint, I need her to know that separation from Mom and Dad is actually a sign of health and maturity. She will need to leave home one day.
There’s a very important verse in the Bible that speaks to parenting in preparation for marriage: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). The King James Version uses the word cleave to convey being united. In other words, the bond between husband and wife is to be stronger than the bond between parent and child.
I’ve taught my kids a definition of maturity based on Genesis 2:24 and it’s simple:
You will not be with mom and dad forever, so plan accordingly.” Amen.
Marriage involves a new priority relationship. When you see the word leave you may think you need to move a thousand miles away from mom and dad. However, the focus of this text is not geographical. Most young couples actually live in close proximity to their parents and move away later. The focus of this text is relational.
“Leaving” is the idea that no relationship, apart from your relationship with God, is more important than your marriage. To leave means to forsake, depart from, leave behind, and abandon. Say goodbye to mom and dad.
From the time God spoke Genesis 2:24 and through the first several thousand years of human history, kids grew up, became adults and left home. Starting marriage well requires leaving home. Cut the strings. Love and honor your parents, but call home less, buy your own clothes, work out conflict in your marriage without your parents meddling, seek the input of your spouse over your parents, and never ever compare your spouse to a parent.
I love when I am approached by a mom at a wedding and she says,
I don’t feel like I am losing a son today, but feel like I am gaining a daughter.”
I usually respond with, “Nope, you are losing a son.”
