Traditional wedding music was playing as the final guests stumbled their way into the only seats left available in the center of a row. The entire room was brimming with anticipation and premature sniffles. Having been wed just a few weeks prior, Missy and I were excited to fill two positions in the wedding party for our dear friends Dan and Amanda. We’d had our share of double-dates in college and this was sure to be a significant addition to the memories we’d already shared.
While navigating the hallways from the dressing room to the chapel, we tuxedo-laden groomsmen filed behind the red-dressed bridesmaids. Just before we entered the auditorium, I noticed that Missy’s spinal zipper (in men’s terms) had fallen down a couple inches. Being keenly aware of the potential dangers, yet completely unaware of the lesson I was about to learn, I took the initiative to zip her up. It was then that our friend Krista turned to me with her eyes and jaw wide open. It was also then that Missy, who was in front of Krista, turned to me with her eyes and jaw wide open.
Now that I look back, I can find humor in the horror of that moment but at the time I was severely embarrassed. Luckily, the look of shock on my face served as my plea for innocence. The two were not only sporting an identical bridesmaid dress but also the same haircut along the the jawline as well. From my point of view, Krista had appeared to be my wife. But for everyone else in the hallway, it was clear that she wasn’t. This is a simple example of how perspective can change everything.
From the bottom of the barrel
This matter of perspective was recently illustrated while I was tossing a bag into my garbage barrel. I found that a small community of maggots had taken up residence. Naturally, the sight turned my stomach and the smell nearly emptied it. But the rotting display led me to think: what I perceive to be death and decay, a maggot perceives to be life and luxury. The differences between the maggot and I are immeasurable and so too is the distance between which the maggot and I view the world. This further tells of the degree to which perspective can affect understanding. When I allow my perspective to be challenged, I risk my world being turned upside down.
So, what role does perspective play in marriage?
Missy and I just celebrated our sixth anniversary and continue to fall madly in love with each passing year. I attribute most of our success to Missy’s patience, but there’s also our shared attempt to put things in perspective. In knowing what’s at stake, we desperately try to see an argument from each other’s point of view. We’ve found that when we fail to keep perspective a priority, we never reach a place of peace. Rather than killing the beast, we cage it. The dispute may subside but it’s sure to resurface at some point.
Perspective is essential in marriage.
When we strive to understand each other’s perspective, we disrobe our own motives and feelings while clothing ourselves with the other’s motives and feelings. For example, when teaching a card game to a child, we may look at the cards in their hand to help them make the best decision with what they’ve been dealt. The very same is true when a husband and wife take the time to look at each other’s cards to help make the best decision with what they’ve been dealt. We enter into their hurt or aggravation and can better help remedy the situation.
Be sure to take the time to view the world through your spouse’s perspective. Your marriage will reap the benefits.
