I asked my husband what advice he would give, in hindsight and with twenty-three years of married life behind him, to a young couple contemplating marriage.
His reply: “Don’t get married!” (He assured me he was only joking!)
There is a great deal of truth in that answer, however.
If you are not prepared to compromise—don’t get married.
If you are not willing to give up some of your dreams so that your spouse can fulfill some of their dreams—don’t get married.
If you are not going to be able to forgive, seven times seventy (actually make that an infinity number of times) your spouse, when they do something wrong—don’t get married.
Some other questions you need to ask yourself before you get married are:
- What if four years down the line, my spouse is involved in an accident and loses a limb, his/her eyesight, is paralyzed and no longer has the capacity to earn a living or have sexual intercourse again—will I be able to stay with them for the next fifty years, be willing to be the sole breadwinner, give up my dreams of having children?
- What if a mother or father-in-law (or both) is forced to come and live with you due to a change in circumstances—will you be able to live with that till the end of their lifetime?
- What if you discover that one of you cannot have children—are you prepared to adopt?
Think about these things carefully. If you have any doubts at all about answering yes to any of these questions—don’t get married or at least postpone the marriage whilst you think about what your life would be like if any of the above scenarios occurred. Life happens and it seldom turns out the way we visualized or dreamed about.
There is a song by The Dubliners entitled “Don’t Get Married Girls” and the second verse goes like this:
So don’t get married, girls. It’s very badly paid.
You may start off as the mistress, but you’ll end up as the maid.
Be a daring deep sea diver. Be a polished polyglot,
But don’t get married, girls, for marriage isn’t hot.
Have you seen him in the morning with a face that looks like death,
With dandruff on his pillow and tobacco on his breath?
Still he needs some reassurance with his cup of tea in bed,
‘Cos he’s worried ‘bout the mortgage and the bald patch on his head,
And he thinks that you’re his mother, lays his head upon your breast,
So you try to boost his ego, iron his shirt, and warm his vest.
Then you get him off to work. The mighty hunter is restored,
And he leaves you there with nothing but the dreams you can’t afford.”
The above may be humorous but it is quite a realistic reflection of what married life is like at times.
We don’t always look our best. We wake up with smelly breath.
We worry about the mortgage. We need reassurance. We have dandruff.
We have to give up quite a few of our dreams.
The wonderful news, however, is that if you love someone, truly love them, if you are committed to someone, truly committed you will be able to accept all of the above and continue to love each other through everything.
1 Peter 4:8 states:
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”
And that is marriage in a nutshell—love deeply, love passionately, love with a view to the future.
I was once asked,
What feeling does the word ‘home’ invoke in you?”
My first thought was Steven, my husband! The word home represents a place of safety, acceptance, warmth love, and security. I find all these things with him and in him. Throughout our relationship, in between the bouts of hurt and pain and not talking to each other, once we have sought God earnestly in prayer He has given us the ability to love each other even though we may not have liked each other at times.
If you both commit to pray with each other and to read the Bible on a daily basis, God will enable you to overcome all obstacles that may be put before you and you will have an amazing marriage!
