You know those friends who start dating someone new, then disappear from your life only to spend every waking moment with their new special someone?
I’ve seen it happen too many times. Sadly when the relationship ended, they would come crawling back hoping to pick the friendship right back up as if nothing had changed at all.
Friends are essential. Not just when we are single, but also when we are dating and even married. Friends provide insight, support and good times that sometimes your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend cannot.
When my husband Isaac and I first started dating, we both made it clear to each other that we would still regularly hang out with our own friends away from each other. Not because we didn’t want to be with each other, but we knew it was healthy to maintain and nourish our friendships that meant so much to us. Friends really can be forever, but the person you’re dating might not be.
Even now that we are married, most Friday nights Isaac has “guys night” with a close group of about seven guys. They are welcome to our home every week, lounge on our couch, eat food and talk “guy talk.” Guy talk is the kind of conversation that includes anything from sports to video games to work and life problems.
I realize these friendships are important to him and I respect the need for these relationships in his life. I believe his guy friendships are vital to our marriage as well for they keep Isaac balanced.
Even though I am more than willing to provide a listening ear when it comes to the latest football game on TV, Isaac enjoys these conversations more sometimes with his man friends. They can understand and empathize with each other more on these types of topics than I might be able to. And they can play video games together, laugh and have a good time in a unique type of way that I cannot give my husband.
And when the guys are having their time, I take that time to spend some quality time of my own with girlfriends. I need them. I need their emotional support on girl topics. I need to vent about body issues or my fears of becoming a mom someday. I need to relate to a woman, because she understands me in a woman-type of way.
Proverb 27:9 says, The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense. God can use friends to speak truth into our lives and even into our marriage. Friends can pray for us and encourage us when our marriages need help. And friends can be there to smile and support us when we have babies, buy new homes and celebrate anniversaries.
Isaac cannot be my everything. He cannot be my husband and my best girlfriend all in one package. I might have thought my husband could be my everything at one point in my life, because it sounded romantic and that is what the movies told me.
There is even a song by Michael Buble called “Everything.” The lyrics list ways in which the girl is his everything:
You’re a falling star, you’re the get away car
You’re the line in the sand when I go too far
You’re the swimming pool, on an August day
The chorus goes on to say:
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It’s you, it’s you, you make me sing
You’re every line, you’re every word, you’re everything
Isaac is my husband – a person and a man who has flaws. And he can never fulfill all my needs as a woman. He can fulfill a lot of my needs, and he can make me very happy. My girlfriends can fill some of my needs too and make me very happy. But my biggest needs – only God alone can fill those.
The moment I start to expect my husband to take away my fears, insecurities and rely on him to complete me, I will be very disappointed with my marriage. I will be welcoming disaster into our home and expectations that Isaac will fail to meet. He will never complete me. His love is never perfect.
But my Jesus, ah, His love is impeccable. His love is without flaws. And He alone can truly fulfill me. My Lord is more than enough.
This is the type of love we should strive to model our marriage after. But a model should never hold the expectations of the real thing.
Photo Copyright: antoniodiaz / 123RF Stock Photo
FEATURED CONTRIBUTOR:
Rachel Bohanan is a newlywed living in Oklahoma City with her husband and six-pound morkie dog. Rachel is passionate about marriage and desires to help others have a great marriage with her. She loves putting words together to share her heart in a way that inspires others to be more like Jesus. While writing is her first love, Rachel works in communications for an oil and gas company and also just started an at-home invitation design business, Rachel Kathryn Designs.
