Dale and I experienced very different backgrounds. He came from a small, close-knit, Protestant family and grew up in Southern California. I grew up in a large, blended Catholic family in upstate New York, so our family experiences were quite different from each other’s.
We also grew up more than a decade apart, so our generational differences also affect the way we think, feel, experience life, and relate to others. And that’s okay. Although these differences could be viewed as barriers to our intimacy, they can also be seen as assets that bring well roundedness to our relationship.
Our attitudes and choices also form some of our differences. So do our culture and the society in which we live. Since I became a Christian by the time I was 20, my choices were more conservative than Dale’s, and my attitudes reflected my Christian worldview. Dale’s experiences in the military and secular society brought about some of the differences we’ve faced. Yet, as he’s grown in his faith, his attitudes have changed, and so have our differences.
It’s important to respect your differences and avoid the tendency to try to make your mate into who you think he or she should be. Respecting his or her choices is a good way to do this.
I allowed Dale to draw his own conclusions and make his own decisions regarding faith and other issues. For example, even while we were still dating, we discussed the possibility of him getting water baptized, but Dale wasn’t ready. A few years into our marriage, a sermon prompted him to make the decision. I had given him the freedom to decide the path to take–when he was ready. I allowed the Lord to work on him rather than trying to do the work for Him.
If you’ll honor each other’s backgrounds, serve each other despite your differences, and value the lessons you’ve learned through life’s experiences, you’ll give each other grace when one of you makes a mistake, and you’ll grow into a healthy couple.
What kinds of differences do you make room for?
*Adapted from Countdown for Couples: Preparing for the Adventure of Marriage. Copyright © 2014, all rights reserved. Visit www.SusanGMathis.com for more.
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