We all know different monetary habits can lead to heated arguments (one spouse loves instant gratification and the other attempts to reel in those impulses), but did you know the intensity of financial arguments in the early stages of marriage can lead to divorce? It did not matter the level of the couple’s finances; the verbal blows can be so deep and hurtful that recovery may be nearly impossible.
How can a couple set a positive precedent financially without resorting to a scream match?
As a Christian-relationship coach, I believe all couples can start wherever they are in their marriage by placing the following ideas into practice to not only meet daily needs, but also long term goals.
Compose a Mission Statement. Where do you want to go in life individually and as a couple? It is not uncommon for couples to assume certain mindsets, especially financially. It is one of those topics we seem to have a collective understanding that money is somehow taboo to discuss with our loved ones. Many couples have different spending and savings habits, financial goals and attitudes about money. A Mission Statement will provide a shared vision for the future but also how you and your spouse will manage your lifestyle to achieve those results. Preparation and vision is a key element to attaining those shared goals.
Establish a Spiritual Foundation. Without a solid foundation spiritually, a couple will not understand how to be a good steward of their earnings. Knowing and applying biblical principles to giving, saving, and spending will provide a sense of unity as a couple.
Resolve Emotional Issues. Pretending an addiction is not happening, rationalizing negative behavior and having silent understandings that particular topics (such as money management) are areas to avoid will deplete finances. Making wise financial decisions requires transparency and openness.
Live Healthy. Smoking, excessive drinking, poor eating habits, lack of exercise will also drain financial resources. Everything done individually and as a couple has consequences. The key element starts with making positive life choices so financial resources can be used more profitably, leading to the overall vision in the shared mission statement.
Get Knowledge. Intellectual information is powerful. Combining knowledge with wisdom will allow a couple to expand their influence to other family members and their community. Education and knowledge are other pieces of the whole which leads to a more fulfilling, contented and connected marriage. Each spouse should be committed to providing the support necessary to each other to perfect individual talents and skills. With a strong spiritual foundation, those attributes can be used to their fullest potential; not just in a small self-serving manner.
As a Christian-relationship coach, the idea of marriage is to build each other up in all realms of life: spiritually, emotionally, physically—including shared finances. Choosing to remove emotions from money discussions gives couples freedom to work together to create a rewarding life. Together you can achieve whatever you set your hearts to: the only obstacles are negative mindsets and secrecy. Do not allow fear to keep you from reaching your shared destiny.
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