When my husband and I got married, I was surprised how easy the “wife stuff” came to me. Each day as I drove home from work, my brain was filling with ideas on what to make for dinner. On Saturday mornings, I loved waking up and surprising my sweet husband with breakfast and an adventure outside. He would constantly affirm the ways I was serving him and thank me for all I did–it felt great!
I would talk with other friends who were overwhelmed with their new role as a wife, and so I was thankful for how natural I fit with my husband. I felt like I always knew what Caleb would want in certain situations and how I could serve him best. Following through on those ideas and actually putting his needs before my own didn’t always happen, but I did always seem to know what I should do. I had the answers. However, 2013 proved to be much more difficult.
I have recently stood by my husband at two different funerals, one for his 30-year-old brother and one for his mom. I watched our normal life fly out the window as grief, anger, sadness, and confusion took over. As our daily routines changed, so did the needs of my husband. I couldn’t bring a smile to his face by planning an outdoor adventure. When he came home from a stressful day at work, walking into a clean house with dinner ready didn’t automatically cheer him up like it used to. To be honest, I have felt completely inadequate and overwhelmed. The answers don’t seem easy anymore. I am now dumbfounded with my role as a wife to a hurting man. What could I do?
Not having the answers sounds a lot more difficult, but it has actually proven to make our marriage much stronger. Instead of serving my husband with my ideas, I find myself at the feet of Jesus asking for wisdom. Instead of confidently doing what I think is best, I am constantly watching every cue my husband gives off and praying I will know how to serve him. Instead of doing the same things every week, I am learning how to adjust and change during life’s trials.
Through this time, I am learning what Paul meant when he talked about boasting in his weakness so that Christ’s power may be shown off. As a wife walking through a season of grief, I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing, but God is giving me the wisdom I need each day. My wife resume is growing as I learn to be one with a grieving man, and my time with the Lord is increasing, as I need His guidance more than ever.
2 Corinthians 12:9: But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
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