Sometimes I pretend to be one of those people who really loves healthy food but, when I’m honest with myself, it isn’t true. Actually, one of my all-time favorite foods is pizza. Every time I dig into that cheesy, delicious carb-load, I am reminded of a story I heard in high school.
Matt and Jennifer were dating and loved ordering pizza on Friday nights. They were crazy in love but were still trying to figure out how to impress each other. Every time the pizza would be delivered, Matt would open the box and give himself the ugly pieces. You see, the pizza place they ordered from was a small family place and usually there were bubbles in the pizza that made it look less-than-perfect. Trying to be the hero, Matt would take those pieces each week and lovingly give Jennifer the perfect pieces.
A year into their relationship, Jennifer snapped during their regular pizza date. “Can I please have the bubble this time?” she asked with a frustrated tone. “What are you talking about?” Matt replied. Jennifer looked him in the eyes and said, “We would always fight over the bubble growing up. It’s the best piece of pizza and you take it for yourself every week.” Matt laughed out loud and handed over his piece of pizza saying, “We hated that piece growing up. We always made our little brother eat it because no one wanted it. I was trying to love you!” For the past year, Matt was eating bubbly pizza thinking he was loving Jennifer but she was actually feeling second best.
My husband and I talk about this story often and think about how it applies to all areas of our marriage. It’s so important to communicate your feelings, expectations, and desires and not just assume your spouse will figure it out. If you don’t love the way your husband rubs your back, lovingly communicate that to him instead of staying quiet for 10 years. If you really need help around the house, politely ask your spouse to pitch in instead of giving dirty looks while unloading the dishwasher and hoping they will catch the hint.
In the same way, it is crucial that I ask my husband question about his preferences and not just base my decisions on what I think is the best way to serve him. Often times I would exert a lot of energy on something I later learned wasn’t important to my spouse at all! Is my husband making dinner to take the task away from me while I want to cook to relax each night after work? Am I being adventurous in our bedroom to get him excited while he was looking forward to the normal?
We have found a few of these situations in our marriage and have worked to know each other better and communicate honestly. Matt learned to not make the sacrifice of eating the gross pizza because Jennifer loved it. I have learned not to vacuum as a favor to my husband because our fancy vacuum is his favorite toy!
