It’s easy to miss the parental sway one holds when a child innocently and sweetly says, “When I grow up, I want to marry Mom (or Dad).” Parental relationship role models have a profound and lasting affect on children, as they will form the same pattern in love as you have with your spouse when they become adults. How you interact with each other will be their normal in love … whether it is healthy or dysfunctional. If you want your children to grow up and marry a godly, stable individual, the best preparation is making sure you have worked through personal and marital emotional challenges so as a couple, you can model love in the right way.
As a relationship coach, my experience of working with families and individuals shows generational cycles grow stronger, not weaker in one’s children. Without a solid foundation based on strong faith in the Lord, you will be unable to communicate through your shared life emotionally healthy patterns for your children. The result will be going into automatic; doing and saying what is familiar from your childhood experiences and parental role models. Although you cannot erase the past, you can rewrite your truths, replace those go-to reactions and communicate positive relational messages. That extra effort will highly influence your kids future success, happiness and emotional stability.
Preparing to teach a better way starts with your relationship. Contrary to popular trends, kids are not the center of attention in the family unit. It is important to model the following in your relationship to build their character:
- Display forgiveness in action. Learning how to resolve conflict without the drama of punishing each other with long silences and days of tension is paramount in teaching a better way. If you work together to address the real source of disagreements and deepen mutual understanding, you can show by example the path from conflict to understanding, resolution to deeper love.
- Live a disciplined life. Your children will learn reliability and dependability through your model as a couple. Life as a family can be enjoyable and fun, mixed with a taste of spontaneity within this structure. Stability over indulgence and entertainment gives children a strong sense of safety and security.
- Wisdom trumps emotions. People who experience drama more than routine are living by their emotions rather than wisdom. You may have days where you wake up feeling down, but those feelings do not have the power to rule your day. Preparing to make the most of each day and not allowing emotions to steer the course sends a powerful message that kids are not at the mercy of something as unreliable as emotions.
- Cheerleading each other’s accomplishments. An encouraging word to your spouse in front of your children and openly supporting each other’s dreams makes a big difference in reaching those goals. You should be each other’s best supporter, never demeaning in public or private. A warm and compassionate heart towards your spouse teaches your kids a better way to look at life outside their natural focus of self.
- Have mutual respect. In your relationship, it is important to show love in the manner the other needs to receive that love. Learning how to express that love through open and honest communication shows an undeniable respect in your marriage.
One truth about marriage and raising a family is recognizing that you and your spouse will pass down the model you present to them. Your relationship will be the pattern for your children’s lives. Breaking individual generational cycles will lead to teaching your kids how to love well and choose the right relationship.
