Recently I was listening to the radio and heard an interview with the founder of “Ashley Madison,” an online dating site for married individuals. If you haven’t heard of their company before, their tagline is “Life is short. Have an affair.” As I heard this individual being introduced, my jaw dropped open and my thoughts began to race—no wonder marriages are failing! However, I kept the radio on, thinking it would be interesting to hear more about this man and the thoughts behind his business. After listening, I think I could write an entire book on him and the philosophy he spoke about for this business but, above all else, there was one main point that stood out to me.
One of the questions he was asked by the interviewer was, “Why?” Why do thousands of individuals around the world use this website to have affairs? Why are people drawn to cheat on their spouse? The founder of this website stated that, for women, they want to be the object of someone’s desire. When he said this, I completely connected with that thought. When I am getting into bed with my husband, cooking dinner, or running errands for our family, all he has to do is look at me with honest eyes and say “You look beautiful,” and he has my attention. I love to feel desired. It gives me confidence, brings me joy, and pushes me to be a stronger wife. If that wasn’t present in my marriage, I could see an affair being much more tempting. I can even think of times when I felt desired by someone else and was tempted to follow that feeling. Doesn’t it feel good to be appreciated, wanted, and needed? Many husbands don’t realize the great power they have to make their wife feel safe and loved.
When asked why men wanted to have affairs through his website, the founder stated it in one simple word: sex. He went on about how many men are not given sex from their wife and they feel as though the only option is to find it from someone else. I rolled my eyes at first and thought “Typical. All about sex.” However, for the rest of my ride home, I thought more about this in comparison to my need to be desired, and it started to make sense. The way I crave compliments and desire from my husband, he craves sex. The way his whispers, love notes, and affirmations build my self-esteem, lying naked body to body can do that for him. If I truly understand this and see a lack of sex as a driving force towards an affair, will I be more willing to engage intimately with my husband? Do I truly understand how big of a need sex is for my man, or do I just roll my eyes when he tells me his craving?
*Photo by TheGiantVermin under CC License.
