If you’ve been in a relationship of any sort, you can relate to the Modern Marriage Moments video, Stages of a Car Fight (if you haven’t seen it yet, watch it at the bottom of this article). You know what if feels like to disagree with the route the driver chooses; You understand the frustration that is caused when the driver is too close to the bumper of the car in front of yours; And you can relate to how irritating it is for the driver to text and drive while your life is in their hands (but seriously, that is dangerous…please don’t text and drive).
You might also be able to relate to the feeling of remorse that comes after realizing how petty your frustrations are in the grand scheme of things. Before you allow your engine to overheat, ask yourself: Is arguing over which route the driver takes worth damaging your relationship with that person? Does it really help the situation to become a “passenger-seat driver” when your spouse’s driving ability isn’t meeting your expectations?
The next time you find yourself in a situation where you’re tempted to engage in a “verbal fender-bender” with your spouse, put on the brakes and remember these three ways to crash a car fight:
1. Focus on the characteristics your spouse has…not the ones they don’t.
You probably did not choose to marry your spouse based on his or her driving ability. No, instead you chose to marry your spouse because of other, more significant characteristics such as his or her love for Christ, compassion for others, friendliness, and sense of humor. When moments arise in which your spouse demonstrates characteristics that test your patience, challenge yourself to dwell on his or her positive qualities. Realize that one way Satan attacks marriages is to try to have spouses major on the minors. He knows that if he is successful in this, spouses will be unhappy with one another because they are focusing on the few things ‘wrong’ with their spouse instead of all the things ‘right’ about their spouse. Jesus admonishes this way of thinking when he condemns the Pharisees in Matthew 23. Do not be like a Pharisee and major on the minors. Instead, take a moment to remind yourself of all the things you love and appreciate about your spouse. Choosing to think happy thoughts (even when it’s not easy to do) will change your attitude and mood and will also make the ride much more enjoyable.
2. Realize that even if your spouse chooses a different direction, you’ll still arrive at the same destination.
Usually, there is more than one way to arrive at a destination. You preferring one way to another does not make it the right way. When you realize and accept this truth, two things happen: first, you allow yourself to relax and focus on more important matters, like the well-being of your spouse; second, you encourage your spouse rather than discouraging him or her. It is hurtful to spouses when the person they love and care for most in this world tells them what they do wrong more often than telling them what they do right. Remember that God’s Word says in 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NKJV), “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up…”. As spouses, we need to do our best to cheer one another on instead of tearing each other down.
There are circumstances when it is essential for you and your spouse to have the same mindset and approach. For example, you should be united when it comes to disciplining your children or spending your finances. Those are important, life-changing situations. The route you take to get from one place to another is not. So, take a deep breath and be thankful for the time you have to spend with your spouse. Even if the route chosen is going to take an additional five or ten minutes, that’s a little extra time you two get to spend together. Be grateful for that time and be sure to use it to love on your spouse.
3. Choose to enjoy the ride.
God’s Word is clear that we are to choose joy each day. Psalm 118:24 (NKJV) says, “This is the day the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it.” When you make a conscious decision to choose joy, annoyances, such as your spouse’s driving habits, cannot put you in a bad mood.
It is true that you choose your mood. You have the ability to say ‘no’ to negative thoughts and emotions of the flesh and to say ‘yes’ to love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (The fruit of the Spirit; Gal. 5:22-23). Making the choice to be led by the Spirit and to rejoice in and for God will significantly improve your outlook on life. So, choose to rejoice- then sit back, buckle up and enjoy the ride.
Featured Guests: Brandon and Stephanie Matias have been happily married since December 5, 2009. Together, they create Modern Marriage Moments, a series of short videos designed to poke fun at the moments in marriage where it is apparent that God made men and women significantly different. To laugh along with Brandon and Stephanie, click Modern Marriage Moments.
