It’s been said that couples usually only argue about one or two things. The problem is that they have the argument over and over in various forms. Research has shown that the top four areas of relationship conflict are: money, sex, communication, and parenting. For today’s post, I’m going to offer a list of practical phrases you can use to help tame money arguments.
Begin and end the conversation with phrases that show your love, appreciation, and commitment:
- I love you and I don’t want us to end up arguing about money.
- You are more important to me than any issue about our bills.
- We’ll get through this together.
- This is a tough time for us financially but we’ve made it through tough things before.
- I appreciate all that you contribute to our family.
- You are a hard worker.
- I know you work hard to save us money where you can and I really appreciate that.
Say what you wish could be true if it will validate the other person:
- I wish we didn’t have this stress to deal with.
- I wish our bank account would smile at us more often.
- I think your requests are reasonable and I wish I could say “yes” to more of them.
Focus on prioritizing:
- Given our situation, let’s map out a plan for getting ahead financially.
- What are your top priorities for our spending? Saving? Giving to charity?
- Do you have any suggestions about how we can better control or track our spending?
- What do you think about the idea of us checking in with each other before making purchases of __x__ amount?
- What financial changes would you most like to see me make?
- Two of our limited resources are time and money. Should we take on more jobs in order to earn more money? On the other hand, are we too short on time and do we need to hire others to do some things for us?
When you talk about money, focus on being open and non-defensive. Ask open-ended questions. Avoid criticizing your spouse because that really won’t go well. Trust that the other person has good judgment and has your best interests at heart. Begin with an open mind rather than assuming you have all the answers. Good communication and better finances will be your rewards.
Your thoughts:
What is your advice for talking about money?
