A highlight of the wedding celebration occurs when the bride and the groom take the floor for their first dance. Over the many years in which I have studied and taught Paul’s letters to churches, including every passage on marriage, I have come to think of this moment as an encapsulation of Paul’s guidance for husbands and wives. Marriage, according to Paul, is a dance―beautiful in its unity and mysterious in its hint of our relationship with Christ.
In his letters to early churches, Paul affirms the plan for marriage declared by God at the time of creation (Gen. 2:24) and by Jesus when explaining the sanctity of marriage (Matt. 19:5) that: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” (Eph. 5:31). The unity and union intended by God for marriage goes beyond any other human relationship. Indeed, the marriage relationship is so special that, in it, Paul catches a glimpse of the mystery of the union between Christ and his church. He makes this connection in Ephesians 5:25–30:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body.”
Throughout this passage, Paul draws on the relationship between Christ and the church to explain how a husband should live sacrificially for his wife. As any experienced dance leader will attest, guiding another in fluid movement requires care, attention, and the sacrifice of personal autonomy―exactly how Christ leads the community of believers.
Similarly, the other dance partner devotes herself to following and complementing the leader’s movements, which is the same joyful privilege believers have in following Christ. When explaining why wives should submit to their husbands, Paul states in Ephesians 5:23–24:
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
Paul continues with this theme by stating: “This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church,” (Eph. 5:32). He appears to address this mystery further in 1 Corinthians 6:16–17, where he compares the physical union between a man and a woman (“the two will become one flesh”) with the spiritual union between Christ and the believer (“but whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit”).
Of course, dance partners need to share a basic understanding about their direction. Likewise, the depth of the marriage union, as well as its similarities to the relationship between Christ and the church, explain why a Christian should should share a fundamental orientation towards Christ with his or her spouse. Paul’s specific instructions about marriage in Ephesians 5:23–24, as discussed above, assume husband and wife share a commitment to Christ and to live together in a manner that reflects Christ. A commonly quoted passage used to highlight the importance of marrying another believer is 2 Corinthians 6:14, where Paul states directly: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.” Thus, when explaining that a widow “is free to marry anyone she wishes,” Paul notes the important limitation that “he must belong to the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39).
God’s plan for marriage contrasts with the commonly held view in our culture that marriage is a convenience that, when it becomes inconvenient, can be abandoned. Marriage is not like a business relationship where each partner makes an investment and demands a good return. In God’s plan for marriage, we are to become “one flesh” with our spouses, experience an intimacy and commitment found in no other human relationship, and display to others the mystery of Christ’s profound love for his people. We are to dance together to the glory of God.
©2013 David Hazelton, author of The Simplified Guide; Paul’s Letters to the Churches
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FEATURED GUEST: David Hazelton
Like Paul, David’s professional background is in law and business. He is a senior partner at Latham and Watkins—one of the world’s largest and most prestigious law firms. David has a passion to lead Christians into a deeper knowledge and love for God. For nearly three decades he has taught Sunday School and has led Bible studies in his home, church, and workplace. Married to his high school sweetheart for over thirty years, David and his wife have three children and live outside Washington, DC. He serves as an elder at Cornerstone Evangelical Free Church. To learn more visit TheSimplifiedGuide.com
