There is a cultural upheaval occurring in our nation, the likes of which have been completely foreign to the roots of this country’s foundation. Likewise, Christian values and beliefs are under assault as never before. The very definition of marriage itself is undergoing dramatic change as part of a rapidly metastasizing secularism that claims that faith has no place in a functioning society. In short, these are testing times for the strength of marriage and for the role of parenting. However, God does not call for retreat, but for advancing the cause of Christ in our relationships.
Jesus did not delude his disciples into thinking that the life to which he was calling them was easy; rather, he warned them that true discipleship meant that difficulties lay ahead, difficulties which require steadfast resolve. This, of course, is the daring adventure of our faith, a fact which makes our lives at once challenging and exciting.
It is in this context of rapid change that I want to address more specifically the challenges of married life in the contemporary world.
One of the greatest temptations to modern couples is the tendency to live in a style to which society claims you are entitled, but one which you cannot reasonably afford. The sub-prime mortgage crisis that precipitated the economic meltdown five years ago was created by lending companies providing loans to house buyers unprepared to cover the monthly payments over time. This unseemly practice was urged—at times coerced—by the federal government because it was operating on the principle that everyone had a “right” own their own home. It so happened to perfectly fit the yearnings of young couples (among others who had limited resources) who wanted the things their parents had sooner rather than later. Of course, this usually necessitated both partners working full-time (even after they started a family). If one of them lost his or her job, or had an extended illness, or the wife became pregnant (even losing only a few weeks of work), major problems arose. Trying to cover the costs of fine homes and cars, and generally living beyond their means, became an increasingly difficult, if not impossible, task. As a result, many became disillusioned, losing their homes to foreclosure.
Frugality is a value no longer embraced by a large swath of modern society. Note, for instance, the incredible debt burden we’re building as a nation and the credit card bubble we’re creating as individuals. Yet the Bible has much to say about the importance of wisdom in frugal living (Prov. 24: 30-34; Matt. 6: 19-24; Luke 12: 15-31; 15: 11-16; 16: 1-2, 10-13; Phil. 4: 11-13). The point Scripture is making is two-fold: (1) God is not discouraging aspirations, but, to the contrary, encouraging diligent work and planning so that you don’t suffer needlessly, and (2) you should resist the lure of money and the mindset of acquisition lest it crowd out your love for him and spiritually impoverish you. Recognizing your inability to acquire everything now plays a significant role in building your capacity to delay gratification and to cultivate the empowerment of patience. Such virtue invariably strengthens your marriage at every level. So, it is in your best interests to heed God’s compassionate teaching regarding the common pitfall of profligate spending.
It’s not his desire that you experience financial difficulties, but rather that you experience the fullness of a life tuned to his grace and power. He knows, of course, that contentment is found, not in things, but in relationships with one another and with him. No doubt you have heard this before, but it is very easy to forget the significance of it when faced with the sometimes daunting task of making a sufficient living for your family. I have counseled many couples over the years whose relationships were coming apart at the seams largely because of the extreme financial pressures brought on by poor decision-making. Often, they have not only lost their first love for God, but also for one another.
Purity is another Christian value that has lost credibility in the past twenty-five years. For instance, there has been a dramatic increase in co-habitation among even Christian couples, rising over 1,000% in the last two decades. It is not at all uncommon for young Christian couples coming to me for pre-marriage counseling to find that they are already living together. Because it is culturally encouraged, most of them do not see it as a problem, even if it is one for their parents, whom they merely think are living by obsolete rules. They fail to understand how it detracts from the unique sanctity of marriage and, therefore, why it makes it less likely they will work very diligently to preserve it. Many times, this means that they don’t seek help for their troubled marriages until it’s too late, or, at least, until great damage has been done. Little wonder that divorce rates have soared in the Christian community.
Since marriage has lost much of its sanctity, adulterous affairs are also on the rise. They may be “exit affairs”, which are defined by the underlying desire to be discovered, thereby justifying a reason to prompt a divorce. Or, it may be a “retaliation affair” designed to inflict pain on the partner as revenge for a poor marriage. It may even be a “desperation affair” intended to induce a marital crisis that forces a reluctant partner to seek help in order to change. Whatever the reason, affairs no longer have as much shock value as they once did, nor are they necessarily considered an action of last resort.
The constant sexualizing of our culture has made marital partners more vulnerable to the lures of an affair by both weakening the institution of marriage itself and by making sexual attraction to others seem paramount to an exciting life. As captured by the 1960’s motto, “Make love, not war”, sexuality has been adroitly promoted as the cure for conflict and unhappiness. That, of course, is a lie, albeit a clever one, since it appeals naturally to raw emotion and to the draw of physical pleasure. Long-term, however, it has corrupted the thinking—and behavior—of the public.
Because contemporary culture has dismissed the importance of faith, so dear to the founders of this country, it is increasingly viewed as a troublesome intrusion into public life. In the minds of the cultural elites, science eclipses the need for faith, which is seen by many as an historical novelty of early American life that no longer has relevance to our times. We Christians have, until now, experienced the ease if western civilization, based as it has been, on Judeo-Christian values. That is changing, however, so we had better prepare for it. We will likely be called upon to contend for our faith in a way we never envisioned.
This is not a time to be discouraged. To the contrary, it is an exciting time for spiritual renewal. This means that we must reassess the strength of our faith and renew our commitment to God, just the apostle Paul urged the early church to do (Acts 14: 22; I Cor. 15: 1-2; 16: 13; 2Tim. 1: 6-7). This, in turn, is a call to renew commitment to our marriages as well; for, together, they are the embodiment of the relationship we enjoy with our Savior. It’s his love expressed through our love for one another that gives hope to a dying world.
The supreme vision of our union with God then is the beauty of the union between husband and wife. It is, indeed, the highest call of marriage.
