Like two fish hooks in the gills of an unsuspecting catch, my fiancé’s blue eyes encroached my territory and yanked me out of my carefree world.
“Jennifer,” he whispered, “Out is not an option.”
What? Did he just say ‘out is not an option’?
C~R~E~E~P~Y!
This relationship is looking more and more like a jail sentence.
Should I get out while I still can? I’m young! I have choices! Who cares if I never get married again? Being alone is better than being married to a stalker.
Infringing on my personal space and yanking me out of my “fright-mare,” my future husband drew close and continued his speech.
“Divorce is not God’s plan for marriage and together we’ll stand against our enemies. We’ll work through our differences and cling to our vows. I’m committed to you always. This marriage isn’t going anywhere.”
Exhale.
Ok. I can do this. He’s not crazy. He’s just a little overzealous.
How hard can this marriage thing be anyway?
As scary as they were at the time, my husband’s zealous words instilled within me a sense for the permanence of marriage. Indeed, our marriage wasn’t going anywhere. It still is and always will be a permanent arrangement coordinated by God Himself to last a lifetime and fashioned to reflect the unwavering, unabating love He has for us, His children, through Christ. And therein lies the beauty of covenant love! The covenant is a permanent seal; two fixed pillars that cannot be shifted no matter what tribulation befalls them. God wants my husband and I to remain within those pillars until death due us part at which time He will exchange the likeness of Himself (our spouse) for the real thing; our eternal Bridegroom Jesus! God’s love never departs from us and so should our love never depart from our spouses! The permanence of marriage is the propeller of marriage; always moving us forward from victory to victory.
I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion.” ~Hosea 2:19
Forgiveness
To love my husband with the same permanence that Christ loves me with means that I must always pardon him and never part with him. I must forgive him no matter what, even when he isn’t seeking forgiveness lest a root of bitterness begin to grow between us. Forgiveness comes in so many shapes and sizes. It’s a simple as not holding a grudge when he speaks harshly to me and as complex as swallowing my pride when he looks twice at a pretty girl on the street. It’s humbly recognizing that a man battles much in the realm of his fleshly desires and I am not the only female biding for his attention. Loving him for always means acknowledging that harder times of future forgiveness may come if pornography ever infiltrates our home or adultery ever steals our love. Am I being asked to forgive anything Jesus Himself hasn’t forgiven? No. Just like Jesus, I’m being asked to love, unconditionally, a fallible human being capable of hurting me. I’m being asked to stay, permanently, no matter what it costs me.
Then Peter came to Jesus and said, “Lord if my brother keeps on hurting me, how many times should I forgive him? Should I forgive him seven times?”
“No, Not just seven times.” Jesus said. “But forgive him seventy times seven times.”
Restoration
Because this marriage isn’t going anywhere, my husband and I are committed to its growth and vitality. When we couple forgiveness with restoration, we strengthen the chord of three strands. Imagine a soldier on the front lines of battle. He knows how to position his shield to protect himself from the enemy’s darts but he does not know how to eliminate his enemy. As long as he is in the crossfire, he is in danger. A soldier must strategically fight his foe and defeat those who seek his demise. Only then will the soldier experience the joy of peace. In marriage we too must be strategic in our attempts to defeat our enemies. We must be willing to conquer our rivals in order to restore and maintain the bond of peace.
Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.” ~Ephesians 4:3
Commitment
When I first married my husband, I struggled a lot with his personality. He is very outspoken and I am very reserved. Often, I would try to silence him by making him feel like his opinions were offensive to the company we kept. I realized how much I hurt him when one day he told me how important it was that I, his wife, accept him no matter what he said or did. I was heartbroken by my own lack of sensitivity and vowed to love my husband more than the approval of others. I sought his forgiveness and remembered that on my wedding day I said, “I vow, forsaking all others, to commit myself to you fully for as long as we both shall live.” Every day since then, I have been intentional about showing my husband that I accept him, value his thoughts and love him above all others. After all, my husband will be by my side long after others disappear. That’s the beauty of permanence!
Do nothing out of selfish ambition of vein conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourself.” ~Philippians 2:3
Like all marriages, ours has seen both trivial frustrations and times of blatant irritation with each other. Beneath every conflict we’ve faced was a deep root of unsightly sin neither one of us even knew existed. Its appearance was both uninvited and unexpected.
Marriage does that. The proximity of a spouse is at times, literally too close for comfort.
God designed it that way.
But rather than seeking an out or trying to run from this freakishly “human” man I once thought divine, the pillars of covenant love have hemmed me in and held our marriage up. When the stormy weather of life threatened to erode our love for one another and we couldn’t stand for our marriage, the pillars of covenant did.
Let the permanence of marriage be your propeller! Move forward and make it beautiful for a lifetime.
