If I could give one piece of marriage advice to every unmarried person, it would be this: Dump your baggage prior to getting married. Other than salvation through Jesus, the best gift you can give yourself and those who love you is to be as healthy as you possibly can be in every area of your life. That means emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially.
If you and your potential spouse do this before you’re married, marriage will be exponentially easier. This doesn’t mean that you become a perfect person before marrying, or that you don’t have issues to continue to work through, but it is so important to get a head start to health.
Do You Want to be Well?
In John 5:1-8 we read a perplexing story. Jesus encounters a paralyzed man who has been in that condition for many years. Jesus asks him, “Do you want to be made well?” Instead of responding with a resounding Yes! the man replies with an excuse as to why he hasn’t been able to get well all these years. “Jesus said to him, ‘Rise, take up your bed and walk.’ And immediately the man was made well, took up his bed, and walked.”
Wouldn’t Jesus assume that a sick person would want to be better? And yet when the issue was probed the sick man focused on the obstacle in the way of healing. I think there was something deeper going on in this man’s heart regarding his sickness and Jesus knew that, which is why He asked him in the first place if he wanted to be made well.
Because most of the time, health is a choice. And it’s easy to make excuses as to why we cannot be healthy and free.
I’m not talking about someone who is battling a disease and is doing all they can do to get well. I am talking about how it is often easier to stay in an unhealthy place spiritually, emotionally, financially or physically—and to make excuses about why we can’t get out of the terribly unhealthy place we are in–rather than to make a decision to take the steps we need to take to become well. To be healed. To be healthy and free.
Jesus Wants to Help Us
What are some of the issues that can keep us bound? It could be dealing with constant emotional trauma while choosing not to leave an abusive relationship, or experiencing health issues that are caused by the misuse of our bodies, or being in an oppressive job and not taking the opportunity to do something new….or hiding behind lies rather than being truthful and seeking counseling. Whatever the thing is that sucks the life out of us…we often choose to stay in the midst of it.
Dysfunction can be uncomfortably comfortable while the road to freedom can be painful and very hard work, to be sure. But let me tell you from experience that working through all of that pain and fear to get to the other side of freedom is beyond worth it!!
Notice in the scripture that even though the sick man didn’t immediately say that he wanted to be well, Jesus stayed present with him. Jesus had compassion to not let the sick man stay in that condition and brought health to his body.
Have you noticed in the Bible that God always partners with the people He brings healing to? He gives them something to do…a step of faith…to partner in the healing. God will bring His supernatural healing power to your life but you have to do your part.
It’s Good to Be Free
My husband and I made a decision to deal with our debt and student loans before we got married and now we are financially free and healthy. Do you know how much peace financial health brings to a marriage? Before we were married we also both worked with counselors to work through past issues so we could be more emotionally healthy. As a result we are better equipped to treat each other with love, grace and respect.
We also choose to seek God regularly as individuals and as a couple and have committed to have Jesus as the center of our marriage. This brings so much peace in daily life and even more so when difficult situations arise. We know we are a team and Jesus is at the center.
Do we have a perfect marriage? No. There are still different issues that come up and that we’re working through. But we do have an easy relationship and a peaceful marriage and I guarantee you that this is due to the choices we made to start working through our baggage before we were married. And we have made a commitment to continue working through problems and issues that arise.
Begin Today!
It is possible to be in a healthy, peaceful and fulfilling marriage but both people need to choose to do the sometimes hard work of getting there. Begin while you’re single and then look for a healthy person to marry. And it’s not too late to start if you’re already married.
I encourage you today to ask God to help you identify any areas of your life where you are in dysfunction or lack health, and ask Him to help you to make the first steps toward healing.
Choose to be healthy, one step at a time.
