As a wife, I have come to recognize that I have incredible power and influence in the life of my husband. The reason we all know that “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” rests on the fact that we know women tend to set the temperature in any given environment.
Years ago, when my younger sister was a newlywed, we were talking together about some of the issues in our marriages that sisters (or the best of friends) can talk about with each other, but not generally with anyone else. These weren’t major issues that day, but they were realities we both faced that weighed heavily on us as we wanted to do our best to be great wives while honoring our husbands—all the while, struggling with some of the things our husbands do. In other words, we faced what every spouse in every marriage will face from one time to another. (This is life!)
As a wife, I can use my influence to get pretty much whatever I want from my husband. I can nag, manipulate, pout, withhold affection, belittle, argue…convince my husband to do just about anything I want him to do. One example of what many Christian wives desire in their husbands is a leader in prayer and devotional times together. Taking that example, a wife might opt to use guilt, pressure or compare her husband to the husbands of her friends who enjoy this in their marriages. She will find herself believing she is missing out on something and in doing so, will try to figure out how to get her husband to be more assertive as her leader in this area.
This phrase came seemingly out of nowhere that day as I talked with my sister, captured my attention, and has remained in my heart and mind throughout my marriage:
- As a wife, I can convince my husband to do just about anything.
- But when the Holy Spirit convicts him, that is a whole ‘nother thing!
In other words, how might the Father want to work in my own heart and life to trust Him more with these desires of my heart? How might my own faith grow as I pray for my husband and love my husband well while he is not performing perfectly or fulfilling my every pre-wedding day dream? In my own marriage, I can attest that there have been times that I have seen God bring conviction into Stephen’s life about an issue, and when God does that, it is not a temporary change brought about by his feelings of guilt or pressure from me. It’s real. He owns it then and it is an incredible thing to observe.
But there have also been many times when the Father chose to do something in my heart instead. He continues to teach me to trust Him with the deepest needs of my heart and to allow Stephen to walk his own journey with God as well. Are you trying to convince your husband to change for you? Take a deep breath and pray for strength as you learn to trust God to bring conviction where needed—in your husband’s life and in your own.
