Affairs. Pornography. Infidelity. I realize that not everyone reading this has experienced first-hand the side effects these bring to a significant relationship like marriage; and I am SO thankful there are those out there who haven’t. But the sad fact remains that we have all been impacted by at least one person’s choice (perhaps our own) to cross a line that had once been declared to be a non-negotiable.
Can a man really find that one woman is enough both in real life and in what he chooses to use as “entertainment?” Can one man really be enough to satisfy a woman’s emotional needs and offer her the security she craves?
Absolutely!
1) The beauty of fidelity is in the choice.
I remember a time when my teenage daughter shared with me that she was tempted to do something, knowing she’d get away with it. She knew I’d most likely never find out about this activity and that, as far as she knew, there wouldn’t be any painful consequences. But she chose not to do it. When she shared this experience with me, I was overjoyed!! Knowing that she had the opportunity, but chose to do the right thing and chose to honor herself, her family, and her God was a blessing all parents desire. If she had obeyed out of fear of the consequences, that would be one thing. It might keep her safe and I’d be grateful for that; but the fact that she made the choice out of love and respect meant even more.
2) Without a choice, there is no love.
If I didn’t have the opportunity to choose my husband again and again every day, then where is the love? I used to wish God would just program a man when he gets married to only be interested in his own wife—like a switch would turn on or off in his brain that would make a woman totally secure in her husband’s faithfulness once they said, “I do.” It felt safer. I desired a husband who wouldn’t even have the ability to find another female attractive. I had been so wounded by this in different ways and it just seemed like God made a mistake in how He designed us. Maybe it would be safer if God did that; but it would not be love. Love comes when one person chooses another, knowing the option to leave is available to them. Forced love isn’t love. Our Heavenly Father knows that if we strive to sin less we may never learn how to love. But when we learn how to love—and this always involves a choice—then we will inevitably sin (i.e. hurt God, ourselves and others) less.
3) When I choose my mate, I allow him/her to become the standard by which others are compared rather than vice versa.
As I choose Stephen to be the one I allow to meet my needs emotionally—as he is equipped to do so—I am giving him the unique place in my life to be the one who sets the standard of what is attractive to me. And, as Stephen allows me to be the only one he gives his eyes permission to gaze at, enjoy, “etc”, he is allowing me to become his standard of beauty. When a man chooses to get his visual stimuli going by multiple images and/or women, his wife will never be able to compete. (Just think of the supermodels who have divorced their cheating husbands!) But when a man chooses, like Job, to make a covenant with his eyes not to look with lust at other women, he is giving his wife an amazing position in his own life.
It always boggles our minds as a couple when we hear people say that physical intimacy within marriage is boring; or that there is a fear it would become boring. Nothing could be further from the truth! The beauty of faithfulness within marriage is in the choice. Every day, I choose Stephen Hendrix all over again. Every day, he chooses me again. This keeps romance, friendship, and passion alive within our relationship.
