3 Ways to Identify Your Spouse’s Greatest Needs . . . And How to Begin Meeting Those Needs!
Imagine what your marriage would be like if you could begin to see needs in your spouse that no-one else can see. What kind of impact would that have in your marriage?
Often times in a marriage, there are needs that go unmet primarily because those needs were never identified. Many couples struggle to share their greatest needs for several reasons. Some think their spouse should just know what they need intuitively. Others are uncomfortable verbalizing their needs and therefore never do so, and many never even consider the idea of sharing their needs with their spouse.
In my research of the great entrepreneurs of America, I discovered that successful entrepreneurs were able to identify needs that were not being met and then offer a product or service to meet those particular needs. In essence, this is one of the greatest keys to starting a successful business. As I started to unpack this amazing concept, I began to think about how this idea could be applied in a marriage. What if I could start to see needs in my wife that were not being met, and what if I could start meeting those needs? Needless to say, I became very excited about the prospect, and so I’m going to share three ways you can begin seeing needs in your spouse every day.
#1. You must begin by asking yourself the right questions.
I’m referring to the questions you ask yourself every day. God designed us to ask questions. It is the way your brain works and the way you process information. We analyze everything through the use of questions, but we are rarely aware of this process and so we usually ask ineffective questions. Think about it for a moment. Have you ever asked yourself these types of questions:
- Why does this always happen to me?
- Why can’t my spouse see how this is effecting me?
- Why can’t my spouse be more understanding?
These questions are not very effective because they all imply that things are not going well and they really do not challenge your brain to find solutions. The great entrepreneurs have been so effective at seeing needs because they know how to ask the right questions. Once they are asking the right questions, their brains can go to work to identify opportunities that everyone else has missed.
So how do you ask effective questions? First, you need to identify the positive things or goals you would like to see and then design questions that seek to really dig for answers in those areas. For example, if you and your spouse are struggling to find quality time together, you might ask yourself this question. “What could we start doing on a consistent basis to really have fun in an area we would both equally enjoy?” This question has several goals. It asks what you could do to have fun. It includes something that is consistent or on-going. It asks for something that can be enjoyed by the husband and wife equally. Once you’ve identified a question like this, you start asking yourself this question every single day. Over a period of time, your brain will go to work, and you will eventually start seeing things you have never seen before.
Here are a few more examples of questions I have personally used:
- What are my wife’s greatest strengths and how can I encourage those strengths on a daily basis?
- What are my wife’s greatest needs, and how can I meet those needs as her husband?
- What could my wife and I start doing on a regular basis that would foster a sense of teamwork and communication between us?
- What can I do today to communicate to my wife that I love her?
- What can I do to encourage my wife in her relationship with Christ on a regular basis?
I challenge you to develop at least three empowering questions about your spouse that you can start asking yourself every day. I also encourage you to verbally ask your spouse these same questions and let him/her know that you are asking yourself these questions. You will be amazed when the answers start coming. It will be like a floodgate has opened in your mind.
#2. Be in God’s Word every day.
The great entrepreneurs are able to see needs when they start asking the right questions and when they start to see the big picture. The greatest way you can see the big picture in your marriage is by relying on God’s vantage point. Remember that God made you and he made your spouse. He knows exactly how you both are wired. Often times it will only be through his direction that you and your spouse will fit together. When a man and woman are married, they leave their parents and join together. All other relationships should be prioritized behind the marriage relationship except one – your relationship to Christ.
#3. Start praying for your spouse daily.
Statistics show that 40% of couples who were married in a church will end in divorce. 60% of couples who were married outside a church will end in divorce. 80% of couples who lived together before marriage will end in divorce, but 1 out of 1,150 couples who were both in the word and prayer on a daily basis will end in divorce.
Being in an intimate relationship with Christ is essential to being in an intimate relationship with your spouse. When you are walking closely with Christ, he will quietly whisper your spouse’s greatest need at precisely the right moment, and you will be of the right frame of mind to effectively respond. Often times in my personal bible study, God has laid something on my heart regarding my wife that I could have never known outside his purview. Talk about seeing the big picture!
As you start asking yourself the right questions, spending time in God’s Word and praying for your spouse daily, you will begin to see needs you’ve never seen before, and then you can start meeting those needs as God equips you to Do Great Things!
© 2013 Aaron Broyles—speaker, life coach, and author of Do Great Things, Applying Proven Entrepreneurial Methods to Achieve Success In Every Day Life. For more information visit www.AaronBroyles.com
