Some of the differences you may have as a couple probably attracted you to one another initially, but when you live with those differences 24/7, they can also be frustrating, confusing, exasperating, and unnerving if you let them. Dealing with them well is very much about attitude.
“When we went to the premarital classes, we told everyone we had no differences and were very much alike,” Tom says. “Everyone laughed when we said we’d never had a fight and didn’t think we ever would. Later we found that because we are so much alike, we tend to step on each other’s toes!”
“It took us a long time to figure out that our similar personalities actually caused us to get on each other’s nerves,” Megan admits. “We both are doers and think our way is the best way. So when one of us does something different from how the other thinks it should be done, it’s hard for the other to adjust.”
“I still struggle with discussing things with Megan instead of just doing something on my own,” Tom says. “But I do realize that my way is not always the only—or the best—way. You may think being so similar is an asset, but be careful. When both of you are decision makers and doers, it’s hard to let go of what you’re used to, and you can easily frustrate each other.”
“And even if you think your way is better, step back, and let the other person do it the way they are used to,” Megan warns. “You can avoid do-overs by respecting each other’s choices.”
Like Tom and Megan, managing differences can be a delicate balancing act. Sometimes we get myopic—seeing our way of doing things as the only right way. We have to adjust our thinking to see that differences are not wrong, they are just different; and they can actually help us remain humble and unselfish as we grow, stretch, and mature.
Adapted from The ReMarriage Adventure: Preparing for a Lifetime of Love & Happiness and Countdown for Couples: Preparing for the Adventure of Marriage. Copyright © 2012, all rights reserved. Visit www.SusanGMathis.com for more.
