In our world today we have instant communication with cell phones and text messaging. We have constant distractions from the TV, radio, music, people, work, and so on. And all this can get in the way of successful communication. And when kids are involved, they sure have a way of distracting and hindering communication, if you’re not careful. Between Jennifer and Ben, they have four children. Jennifer has a daughter for whom they have primary care for, while Ben has three children—one boy and two girls—who primarily live with their mom, so life is busy.
Don’t let life get in the way of intentionally building your communication and your relationships,” Jennifer warns.
“Ben and I guard our time together, and this has kept our marriage strong. When one of us isn’t traveling, we have our quiet time together and try to do lunch together. Then we have borreltje time together—a tradition my parents started when I was little. When dad got home, he and mom would spend a half an hour together talking and processing the day. It was their private time; no kids were allowed. So we adopted this tradition. We take some time to talk about our day. Both of us take turns talking and listening. Carving out that half hour is so good. And even with little ones, it’s possible!”
“Getting past the surface and asking ‘How’s your heart?’ once in a while is also a good thing,” Ben says, “and because of our strong relationship, we feel safe, even when we’re direct with each other.”
Jennifer and Ben have learned that they have to regularly and intentionally push the pause button, stop, be still, and listen to each other with love, attention, and respect. When we let ourselves get sidetracked by daily life, we tend to take each other for granted. And when outside pressures increase and busyness rules, our closeness decreases, and we have the potential for poor communication.
So, whatever you choose to call it, we suggest you establish a tradition similar to Ben and Jennifer’s “borreltje time” to keep your marriage strong. Find a time that works for you. Susan and I (Dale) try to set aside time to talk and connect before dinner every night.
Adapted from The ReMarriage Adventure: Preparing for a Lifetime of Love & Happiness and Countdown for Couples: Preparing for the Adventure of Marriage. Copyright © 2012, all rights reserved. Visit www.SusanGMathis.com for more.
