There are two men in my life. And both of them are essential to my marriage. In fact, I’ve told the human one, my husband, on more than one occasion that the four legged, 20lb., furry critter in our bed has saved our marriage. True. In more ways than one.
I am reading, “Caesar’s Way.” It’s a book about dog psychology. It’s fascinating to know what is going on behind those shoe-polish, black eyes that melt my heart. I’m also saddened by what Caesar says is the number of unhappy dogs in the United States.
Americans don’t really want to own dogs. We want to own easily manipulated, unconditionally loving, furry people. In short, we want our dogs to be the dream person that isn’t in our real life. We put the same pressure on our dogs that we often put on our spouses.
OK, I admit it’s true. I constantly put thoughts in my dog’s head. “I love my mom so much! I’m so glad you’re home! Yippee, let’s play fetch!” Or I imagine that he premeditated the offense against my carpet. So, I’m trying to reframe my relationship with my dog.
What on earth does this have to do with my marriage? As I closed the book last night, I felt God tap my shoulder, “You often want your husband to be like your girl friends.”
What?
Obediently, I began a quiet self-inventory of the expectations I project on my husband. I took a close look at how many things I assume he is doing intentionally to annoy me or how many times I assume he is ignoring me.
I heard an author say that he once asked a woman to describe her ideal husband. Without skipping a beat, she launched into a description of what was more likely her best girl friend.
What is the possible outcome of expecting my husband to act like a girlfriend, or longing for him to fill all my female heart’s desires? He can’t. My husband doesn’t think the way I do any more than my dog does. He mannerisms, listening ability, attention span, expressions and passions are exactly as God intended them to be: male.
There is grave danger in trying to convert your spouse into your ideal mate. Under ruthless self-examination, what are your expectations?
