Here we are at the beginning of the New Year. Chances are, you’ve enjoyed your Christmas treats and as a result, your jeans are feeling tighter by the day. Yikes! That’s probably why millions of us make the resolution to lose weight in January.
Let’s take that common resolution to get healthier and add a relational twist. How important is your weight to your spouse, fiancé, or boyfriend? If your man is part of the majority, it’s really important. Before you huff and puff and talk about how appearances shouldn’t rank so high on the priority list, let’s back up a moment and recognize a major difference between men and women.
Men are visual. Just look at advertisements as proof. You don’t see cities plastered with ads of men’s thighs and legs. Women aren’t turned on by that. We care more about a man’s confidence, ability to provide, and caring nature. A man however has a fundamental need to be physically attracted to his spouse.
On his radio show, Dennis Prager asked this question on his excellent male/female hour,
Does a wife have an obligation to make herself as attractive as possible for her husband? My answer is yes. When you were dating, you tried to look your best to capture a man. Why does that stop after the wedding? Whatever the man did to try to capture her, why does that stop after the wedding? Whatever you did to capture your woman, your man, you should do till the day you die. There’s something morally wrong with taking your spouse for granted.”
Before marriage, women often watch their weight carefully. We work very hard to be as attractive as possible. After a few years of marriage (and then those babies), the weight tends to creep on. Believe me, after having three children and two miscarriages in my 30s, I have experience in this area!
I remember a few months after one of my children was born, I was getting close to my pre-baby weight. I was staring at myself in the mirror when my husband James walked in the bathroom. Feeling a need to explain why I was staring at myself I said, “I’m picturing what I will look like if I were toned.”
To my dismay James answered, “Me too.”
He quickly added, “No, I meant for myself. I’m picturing what I would look like if I were toned.”
Phew, he got out of that one! Although that was a situation we laughed at (and still do), my husband seriously cares about my weight. He tells me so. He has gone where many men fear to tread! Weight is an emotionally charged topic for most women. Yet my husband’s needs to be able to talk to me about weight like I need to talk to him about the tone of his voice for example. We women want the freedom to talk openly about anything bothering us, but we don’t allow our men that same freedom. We get easily offended when the subject of weight comes up.
Why don’t you give a gift to yourself and your husband this New Year? Make weight, appearance, and health subjects that can be freely discussed in your relationship. No accusations, guilt, or manipulation. Just be open as a wife to the importance your husband attaches to your looks–and of course, your weight has something to do with that. Don’t use that against him. Perhaps the noble reason of wanting to serve your spouse will help you turn your weight loss resolutions into reality this year!
