My name is Laura, and I have marriage all figured out. My husband and I never have conflict. I have all the answers, and we are blissfully happy 100% of the time. Also, I’m ridiculously beautiful, talented, and humble.
Please direct all biblical reproofs to my personal assistant, whose contact information is conveniently missing from this post.
Have you ever heard people say “I never realized how selfish (or ) I was until I got married”? If not, come over to my house for dinner, and we’ll talk. My husband will cook a delicious meal, I will dazzle you with my wit, and my two children will probably do something gross at the table. Welcome!
While Mike and I were dating, we didn’t have a strong church community to support us. We were both in college, and when I graduated and moved away, we did the long distance thing for a year. Little did I know that, almost 8 years later,we would have 2 beautiful children, and my darling husband would travel for work about 40% of the time. Still believe me about never having conflict?
I never would have guessed that our long distance dating relationship would prepare us for our long distance married relationship. There are some pretty major differences, of course: we now have a strong church community to support us (more on that later); our relationship now affects two very little people; and we have a deeper physical intimacy now that both helps and adds frustration to the mix.
I want to discuss the strong church community aspect in another blog, because it’s huge. If you think you can do marriage without a church community surrounding you, you are, quite frankly, foolish. But that’s another post.
For now, I just want to introduce you to a few tips for those who are dating long distance or married to someone who travels:
- Have Chinese food on speed dial. Crab rangoon is very good at soaking up tears.
- Skype and Face time are wonderful! My daughter (2 years old) loves to see Daddy when he’s away, and I confess it’s quite a treat for me, too.
- If you’re married, try to maintain a very healthy physical intimacy while your spouse is at home. Yes, I’m talking about sex. I don’t ever want to send my husband into a strange city, alone, full of temptation. I want him to know he is completely loved and desired at home. And worth waiting for. <– That last part is a little nugget for you dating/engaged people. You’re welcome.
- Protect your daily time with God. I don’t always get a true “quiet time” since I’m juggling 2 small children, but I try to spend time in the Word every day, or at the very least pray throughout my day and listen to worship music when I can. I am realizing more and more – I can’t find my happiness and fulfillment in my husband. That is God’s role.
- Two words: guard dog. (I once called the police thinking someone was in my house. Turns out it was a raccoon on the roof. In my defense, he was VERY fat.)
- Communicate via phone, text, skype, post cards, etc. Be part of each other’s lives while you’re apart so that your time together again isn’t wasted playing catch up.
- Whomever is the one away, bring home a souvenir. I don’t care if it’s a blade of grass from the plains of Idaho. It’s sweet and shows the one at home that you thought of him or her. My husband brings me some of the snacks from first class (Delta gives out Twix bars! Almost makes up for missing him).
- Whomever is at home, welcome your hottie home with open arms … and not a to-do list or a list of how much hardship you had to overcome while he/she was away. Guilt trips, begone!
- It’s ok to cry a little. See Crab Rangoon, above.
God, Chinese food, technology, sex, a guard dog, gifts … you’re set! Now go have a perfect marriage! (And if you achieve that, please call me and tell me how you did it.)
