Right after the “I do’s” were said and the wedding cake was cut, my dad approached my husband, Michael, and welcomed him to life with me. “Good luck,” he said jokingly,
she’s spoiled rotten.”
I know my dad was kidding, but I couldn’t stop thinking about how he characterized me. Spoiled rotten. True, my family is blessed and I’ve always had everything I’ve needed and many things I’ve wanted. But I don’t have an iPad and I’m not driving around my dream car, a Mini Cooper.
Growing up, I had responsibilities around the house. I dusted and vacuumed, and at 16, I got my first job at a local flower shop. I have not one but two jobs now … (cue “She works hard for her money” song).
When my husband and I talked about what my dad said, I came to a startling conclusion. I am, in fact, spoiled. Maybe not rotten, but definitely spoiled. Compared to how Michael grew up, my childhood looks like I sat around on a satin pillow eating bon-bons
all day and having butlers waiting on me hand and foot.
My mom always made sure my clothes were clean and that my room was picked up, even if she had to do it herself. She got me up for school each morning and always forked over the cash to make sure I was up-to-date on the latest fashion trends.
Michael’s childhood wasn’t rough. He had everything he needed and a lot of things he wanted. The difference between us is that Michael grew up having to be responsible for himself. He had to get himself up in time for school. He had to make sure he did his
laundry. He was treated like an adult from the beginning.
Of course, the differences in our upbringings has caused some issues as we figure out what our life together looks like. But more importantly, it has caused us to take a hard look at how we will raise our children.
I read an article on Yahoo! recently entitled “Why Parents ‘Spoil’ Their Kids” by Valerie Isakova, in response to an article in the New Yorker, “Spoiled Rotten: Why Do American Kids Rule the Roost” by Elizabeth Kolbert.
Here’s Isakova’s beef: Kolbert’s piece says American children “represent the most indulged young people in the history of the world.” The writer justifies it this way, “a long juvenile/maturation period is necessary in order to handle the complexities of the
modern world.”
The complexities of the modern world? Hasn’t the world always been complex? Pardon my armchair parenting, but it seems to me that children don’t need a long period of time to mature (at least as long as the article implies). Being mature means having
responsibilities and being accountable. It means being disciplined for what is done incorrectly. Children at any age can begin to learn these things.
Thankfully, the Bible has a lot to say about how we should raise our children. Proverbs 23:13-14 says,
Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.”
Boil that passage down and we get this simple gem: We are to discipline our children.
I like the way sociologist Allison Pugh put it in the article on Yahoo!. She quotes, “The New Yorker piece exemplifies the trend in our culture; we blame children for the symptoms (of being spoiled rotten) without doing a lot of self-examination … We marvel at the six-year-old [in the Peruvian Andes] who just chipped in. That six-year-old wasn’t born chipping in; she was taught.” (The article tells the story of a six-year-old who goes out and helps catch and cook dinner.)
Again, when it comes to the hows of parenting unspoiled kids, the Bible has an opinion. Ephesians 6:1-4 says,
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up
in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
As parents, we are to bring up our children in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Discipline and instruction are the antidotes to spoiled rotten kid syndrome.
You may be thinking, “That’s great, but what does ‘spoiled kid culture’ have to do with me? I’m a newlywed (or insert other marital status here).” I wondered the same thing, but then I got to thinking: The way Michael and I choose to live our lives now will shape how we parent our children in the future. Michael and I grew up “spoiled.” But being “spoiled” didn’t stop when we became adults. How we spend our money, what we choose to do with our free time, etc., all point to how we will raise our children. Will we be responsible now? Will we be accountable now? Will we discipline ourselves now?
It may seem too far off to think about raising kids, but the truth is, it all starts with a husband and a wife. So, what are some ways we as newlyweds or almost marrieds or singles prepare for a life of raising kids?
