God’s redemptive work in your second marriage can change life for the good, and that includes how you figure out your roles and responsibilities. The decisions made in prior marriages, or a person’s views about roles and responsibilities, might not quite have aligned with how God has wired us.
The world’s confusing views of male and female roles, especially in marriage, often influence us, consciously or unconsciously. For example, since the role of cooking always fell to me in my first marriage, I could’ve sent the signal to my kids that cooking was a “woman’s job.” But my son has loved cooking since he was little, so I intentionally broke the role mold and encouraged that interest. He is now a successful manager of three restaurants!
It really doesn’t matter what the traditional male or female roles might have been. Be careful not to fall into roles just because it’s always been that way. Simply use the gifts, talents, interests, and abilities you have to serve one another. According to God’s plan, you are here on this earth to love and serve. If that’s the case, then your role as a husband or wife is primarily to love and serve your mate.
Servant leadership is extremely important as a husband and as a dad. This means that nothing is too big or too small to do. It may mean that you pitch in and help in the kitchen. It may mean that you take one of your stepchildren to soccer while your wife takes the other to music lessons. By serving her kids, you serve her.
In the busyness of family life, it’s wise to serve each other in lots of little ways. There are so many ways to serve each other—by meeting his or her needs, fulfilling his or her expectations, or being patient and loving toward your children and stepchildren. In the area of roles and meeting the responsibilities of daily life, God also created us uniquely by making us men and women.
Gender differences have been a hot button for many years, but let’s set aside our preconceived notions for a minute and think about how God really created us. If we can first gain a biblical view of our male and female roles, then we’ll have a head start in making daily life peaceful and united.
God made man to naturally be the protector, provider, and the leader—and ultimately the one responsible for the family. Man is wired for this task, and if we as women will treat him that way and respect him for how God made him, things should work well (I Corinthians 11:3).
God made woman to naturally be a helper, a completer, a nurturer, a balancer, and a life giver (Genesis 2: 20-22). Together, the two of you can accomplish so much more than you can apart. Do whatever is necessary to accomplish the tasks at hand, no matter what. That’s what matters most. And, men, as you work together on the household chores, she’ll appreciate your efforts! The point is to make life easier by keeping a servant’s attitude toward getting the job done, no matter who does what or how it gets done.
Adapted from The ReMarriage Adventure: Preparing for a Lifetime of Love & Happiness, by Susan and Dale Mathis. Copyright © 2012, all rights reserved. Visit www.SusanGMathis.com for more on this book.
