When considering marriage, few compare it to the idiosyncrasies of English grammar. However, there are more similarities than one may initially believe. Before flashbacks of high school English class begin, let’s look at marriage in grammatical terms.
Marriage is not a contraction. A contraction takes two words such as “is” and “not” and combines them. “Is” and “not” become “isn’t.” Notice that one word remains untouched and just as it was before the union. Meanwhile the other word loses some of itself to an apostrophe to become part of the other word. In this example, not loses its middle letter. In a contraction, one word dominates while the other word accommodates. Marriage is not a union in which one person remains exactly as he or she was before the vows and the other changes dramatically to accommodate. Marriage isn’t a contraction.
Marriage is not a hyphenated word. When two words are hyphenated, both words remain their unique individual selves and are only weakly-linked. They would be just fine if the connection was lost, and they were on their own once again. Consider for example all-inclusive, self-assured or mayor-elect. These words do not have to compromise, and enjoy their own separate lives even with the link of a hyphen. Marriage is not a place for glorified roommates in which the two are linked on paper, but not in life and love on a daily basis.
Marriage is more like a compound word. A compound word is created by two individual unique words that have their own individuality and meaning. When these words come together there is no hyphen between them. In fact, there is no space at all. Together these separate words take on an entirely new meaning. Consider for example “fire” and “work.” Both words are very unique and have their own meaning. But when brought together to form firework or fireworks, these two words mean something completely different. Together they become something more exciting.
The same could be said of overabundance, skyscraper or superpower—all compound words that take on a whole new meaning above and beyond their individual parts. But it is not without sacrifice on both sides from both parties. Both words give up a little independence and a little individuality. However, the result is something new and beautiful.
This is a more appropriate picture of marriage. It is a union in which, in order to succeed, both parties must sacrifice and compromise for the good of the marriage. It is not easy and it is not automatic, but it is good.
Special thanks to Pastor Mark van Stee of Western Springs Christian Reformed Church in Illinois for allowing me to craft his message from a recent wedding into this article. His cleverly-constructed words touched all present, especially the bride and groom—two self-proclaimed grammar geeks.
