With events from Super Bowl parties to holiday celebrations right around the corner, all this week we will be bringing you a variety of insights, tips, stories, resources and, of course, recipes in our Hospitality Series. Enjoy!
Sheila Wray Gregoire calls it “hubby-first hospitality.”
Darlene Schacht, better known as the “Time-Warp Wife,” calls it “curb appeal.”
Karen Ehman says whatever you call it, she just loves when it’s done for her.
It is, simply, offering hospitality to your spouse. And it’s offering hospitality to the person with whom you share your home before offering it to others.
Raised by a single mom, Ehman said she threw herself into being somebody at school and youth group. The author of A Life That Says Welcome didn’t really think too much about her own family, she said, and that’s a thought pattern she carried into marriage and later motherhood.
She was convicted—or, at least, she realized the jig was up—when her kids would notice her preparing a home-cooked meal or lighting a candle and ask who was coming over, she said. So she adopted a new rule: She wouldn’t commit to preparing meals for others if she couldn’t prepare something of “equal yumminess” for her family. That was painful for a self-identified people-pleaser like Ehman, she said, but it ultimately was a blessing. Her family no longer feels like second fiddle, and they shouldn’t, she said: “They are to be my primary ministry, not the recipients of my leftover goods and goodies.”
Hospitality is putting the emphasis on others, Ehman said. It’s striving to meet their physical and spiritual needs. It’s refreshing. It’s generous.
And she said:
It starts not in the kitchen with food for the stomach, but in the entirety of your home with nourishment for the soul. While foods lovingly served can help minister to your loved ones, what they need most is to feel a sense of belonging—that they are wanted and welcome.”
Ask your spouse what makes him or her feel wanted and welcomed in your home. Maybe it is food—making dinner for your spouse or calling your spouse’s mom at Christmastime for his or her favorite childhood cookie recipes. Maybe it’s a splash of paint on the walls, an effort to clean and decorate, even just lighting a candle in a scent he or she likes—anything to make your place, however tiny or temporary, feel like a home.
It can be welcoming your spouse first when you meet each other at the end of the day, maybe even with a clean T shirt on or a quick dab of lipgloss, Schacht suggested in a series about hospitality this spring on Ehman’s blog.
You also can make him or her feel wanted by expressing your love and admiration, not just to your spouse, but also to others (when he or she is within earshot), Gregoire wrote in that same series. Step outside your comfort zone and take part in his or her hobbies, too, she said. And draw boundaries protecting your time together.
Gregoire said:
We cannot be authentically generous with guests unless we are first generous with those we love most. Hospitality begins at home.”
Home is not just a good place to start—it’s maybe the best place to start offering hospitality. It also is a safe place for those who need some practice to “practice” hospitality.
So let’s get started.
What are some ways you offer hospitality to your spouse—or some things you love when done for you?
RECIPE: Bacon-Sage Popcorn
The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach; specifically, with bacon. Here’s one way to show your husband he is wanted and welcome.
- 3 to 4 slices bacon
- 1/2 cup popcorn kernels
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 1-1/2 teaspoon powdered sage
Lay bacon side-by-side across a skillet and cook it until crispy over medium heat on the stovetop. Remove bacon from skillet, chop into tiny Bac~Os-sized bits and set aside.
Pour off 1 to 2 tablespoons bacon grease from the skillet into the largest heavy-bottom pot you have (or an electric popper). Add 1/2 cup popcorn kernels.Cover the pot and heat over medium heat on the stovetop, shaking frequently. Once popping begins, shake the pot constantly and crack the cover to allow steam to escape—or, if you’re me, try not to panic when the expanding popcorn throws the cover off your too-small pot and sends popcorn popping across your kitchen. When popping slows, remove the pot from heat and clean up the floor. Apply the five-second rule.
When popping has completely stopped, carefully remove the cover to avoid contact with hot steam. Transfer the popped popcorn to a large bowl and add bacon, sage and salt (adjusting the amount of salt and sage to taste—I’m a notorious under-seasoner). Figure out a good way to mix all that together with whatever you have in your kitchen, likely by clamping another bowl or pan or cookbook over the top of the bowl of popcorn and shaking it. Share with your husband.
FEATURED CONTRIBUTOR:
Emily McFarlan Miller is an awards-winning education reporter and adventurer, a social media-er, a Christian, a Chicagoan and, as of May 2011, the unlikeliest of newlyweds. Mostly, she writes. Connect with her at emmillerwrites.com.
