It may look fine on your calendar: Grandma Jan’s house for Christmas breakfast, your mom’s house for lunch, his step-dad’s house for dinner, and your grandpa’s house for a second dinner. Everyone’s covered and there are no overlaps on the planner. But by the end of the day you’re exhausted and so stuffed that you’re nauseated. What’s more, all your relatives are complaining that you didn’t eat much and didn’t stay long enough. As you fall into bed, you vow that next year you’ll find a better way.
Planning ahead is always a good idea. Proverbs 6:6-8 tells us to look at ants and learn the art of preparation from them. They work all summer to store up enough food for the winter—they prepare ahead of time.
We might not have to lug groceries from Trader Joe’s and pile them in our homes months in advance, but there are other areas in our lives we need to prepare for, like vacation time.
As you begin your journey as a couple, holidays quickly become a kind of juggling act. Are you going to go to Florida or California for Thanksgiving? Whose house are you going to for Christmas dinner? Should you spend New Year’s Eve with family or friends?
Of course, you’re thankful that so many people want to spend time with you, but how can you fit all of them in? How can you please all of them? Sometimes the holiday season just makes you want to return to singlehood!
I have a tendency of being in la-la land and hoping everything will magically work itself out. But it seldom does during the holiday season. We have to share our expectations, ask questions, and plan to be successful. So, here are some simple ideas to get you started on the path to stress free holidays.
Inventory your options
Every family has different traditions. One family I know celebrates Christmas on New Year’s so their married kids can spend Christmas with the other set of parents. Perhaps one set of parents already has a unique tradition that will really help with your planning. Or perhaps you can start a new one that will bring both sides of the family together. Here are some ideas for you to consider:
- Move the Date. – Sometimes we become so set on celebrating holidays on certain days that it creates more stress than necessary. Don’t be afraid to break out and do something different. Holidays are all about traditions and family (and food) so don’t stress if you have to celebrate a few days before or after the official day. (Jesus wasn’t even born on December 25th anyway…) Does one of your families do this? Or are they willing to do something like this?
- The more the merrier – Inviting both sets of families over for a holiday celebration is my favorite option. My parents began this as a Christmas tradition when they were first married, and it’s wonderful. They just make it a simple potluck, and both my dad’s and mom’s families filter through the house all afternoon.
- Rotation – You can spend one Thanksgiving in Oregon and the next in South Dakota (or wherever) so you can be fair to both sides of the family.
- House hopping – Visiting everyone in one day can be tricky, but some people enjoy it. Perhaps you can eat brunch at one house and dinner at the other.
- Break out of the mold. – If you’re newlyweds, don’t be afraid of starting new traditions. Perhaps you want to go on a trip for Christmas, but want to spend the weekend before Christmas with family. Of course, it’s important to respect other people’s feelings, but you shouldn’t feel tied down by them. It’s okay to branch out and create new traditions.
Talk it out.
Several months in advance, set aside an afternoon with your significant other to discuss all the major upcoming holidays. Before you have this conversation, find out what each set of parents are doing. Once you’ve gathered the facts, sit down and discuss your findings. You don’t have to decide everything on that day, but at least you can each start to communicate your family’s expectations as well as your own expectations. Listen to the other person’s point of view and try to reach the best compromise. If necessary, set up a follow-up meeting to solidify your plans.
Evaluate Your Finances.
Money is hard to come by, especially in this economy. So be realistic when you make your travel plans. You may both want to fly out and visit family, but if you have to go into debt to do so, it isn’t worth it. If it isn’t feasible to save up enough money for plane tickets this year, start saving now for next year.
Communicate the plan.
You don’t want people to feel left out or slighted. Take the time to explain to each set of parents why you’ve planned to spend your holiday time a certain way. Share how you reached the decision and how you tried to split the time as evenly as possible.
Travel with wisdom.
1 Peter 2:15 says,
Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.”
As Christians, we are called to a higher standard, so if you are still dating/courting, be careful to hold to this standard when planning your mode of travel. A cross country road trip may not be the best idea for an unmarried couple—it provides too much room for temptation or slander. So, take a friend. Or just fly; you’ll have well over 100 chaperones on a Boeing 737.
Adjust as necessary.
Don’t feel like you need to stick to your first plan. House hopping on Christmas day may be harder to pull off than you thought. Take note of the challenges you encounter so you can make adjustments for the next holiday. I constantly have to remind myself that just because I did something certain way last year doesn’t mean I have to do it the same way again. “Blessed are the flexible” applies quite well to juggling holiday events!
