Every single thing went wrong.
My husband and I had planned a fun date weekend, a rare thing for us. Usually, my poor husband is exhausted after a long week of 4 a.m. mornings, 7 p.m. evenings and tough military workouts. I understand I’ve gotten used to and comfortable with our cozy, predictable weekends. But this one was supposed to be special.
He was scheduled to participate in a ceremony in a Pennsylvania town about two and half hours from us. I was going to watch and then pick him up, head to a local specialty restaurant, and finally we were going to spend the night at a bed and breakfast. Saturday was planned to start with a lazy morning and then a tour of Gettysburg before driving home. Then the ceremony got cancelled.
He called me from Pennsylvania and told me that the Army buses were headed home. Quick compromise, we decided to go to brewery near our house, sit on the patio and enjoy dinner and each other’s company.
I dressed cute. I waited outside his office for him to get ready. When we got to the restaurant patio, I popped my shoes off under the table and anticipated a fun, relaxing evening. So much for expectations.
He never noticed or commented on my appearance. He was tired and done with dinner in less than an hour. I asked for the check, signed the bill and we left. When we got home, before I’d even made it in the front door he had plopped down in his easy chair and started playing games on his phone.
Who wins? Who loses? Were my expectations too high? Was he being a classic jerk? A little bit of both?
How do you manage your emotions and your tongue in those situations?—Situations when you feel like your insides are crumbling with disappointment. Situations when you’re not sure you’re right, but you know you aren’t completely wrong either.
I wish I had the answer and I certainly wished I could tell you that I responded with Christ-like gentleness and good will. As I lay pouting on our bed, he continued to play games. I started to pray one of those “sorry for myself, don’t you see it my way, God,” prayers. God came back with,
Whoever keeps the whole law and yet fails in one point has become accountable for all of it” (James 2:10).
Slowly, without an instant change of heart, I began to reevaluate my emotions. I can’t hold my husband’s feet to the fire for being an insensitive clod, when I am equally as liable for transgressing against God’s law.
Your spouse will let you down every single day. Circumstances will be disappointing. Before you look for someone to blame it on (careful, your spouse will probably be in the line of fire), recall your own sinfulness. And before you linger there too long, recall Christ’s undeserved forgiveness. Recall that, although the wages of your own sin is death, God saw fit through Jesus Christ to forgive you and to never hold your sin against you.
