If ever I went into anything blindly it was marriage. In one sense, that is okay. For, faith is blind and I said my vows knowing full well God’s unseen hand led me to my beloved. In another sense, spiritual blindness in the area of attraction was not okay. As a newlywed, I attempted to satisfy my husband by adopting worldly ways. I spent far too much time focusing on the physical while comparing me to others such as models in magazines and actresses on television shows we watched. I even compared myself to friends and family members whom excelled in areas of physique, and I aspired to become like them. The unhealthy, unreachable, skin deep goals I set for myself, once achieved, would satisfy my man’s deepest desire, or so I thought. I was wrong.
Sure, it is true that most (if not all) married men want their woman to make a daily goal of looking, doing and being her very best, but that’s just it. My hubby wants me at my best, not someone else’s. Don’t take that statement with a grain of salt, ladies. I beg of you; take to heart what you just read. It took years of growing in my relationship with God and my spouse to realize that one truth. Here it is again, personalized just for you, “
Both God and your husband truly want you to be your very best.”
After all, he married you, didn’t he?
If you’re ready to ditch the world’s recipe for attractiveness and set reasonable goals for being a more beautiful you, read on. I’ll share two easy, doable tips for attracting your man, one in each of two key areas: extrinsic and intrinsic beauty. The cool thing is that my advice is intended to be like a spiritual snack. What I have to offer should leave you feeling encouraged, motivated and hopeful! Of course, you can always turn to God’s Word for a meatier spiritual meal! I don’t know about you, but I truly appreciate the glimpse God gives us into lives of Old Testament beauties such as Ruth and Esther. Such women truly knew how to attract their men! For now, get ready to munch on some good old-fashioned … shall we say wisdom, from one Christ-following gal to another!
Extrinsic beauty
Extrinsic is a fancy word I use to describe the physical world of a woman. If it’s your responsibility and your husband can see it, it’s extrinsic. While extrinsic beauty is not the most important area we will discuss, it is of some value. Why? Because men are visual creatures! I know, ladies, if you’re like me you don’t like this truth but we must accept what years of research (both Biblical and non) has shown. It’s simply the way God fashioned the male species. Fact is, men’s brain’s process information differently than ours. Consider new data I found at www.LiveScience.com which states that while men and women are obviously
from the same planet” there exists an “almond-like cluster of neurons which hook up to contrasting functions.”
This difference in our brains causes men to be much more highly influenced emotionally by outward stimuli than women; we are more swayed more by internal factors. No wonder we have a difficult time seeing things from a male perspective!
Now if you’re like I used to be, you just may be biting your nails at this point. Let me reassure you that I’m not talking about becoming Barbie. Please don’t go off thinking worldly and lose me! What I’m suggesting with all this physical talk is simple just as most men are simple. Do your best to look your best and to keep your surroundings organized and clean. You might think such advice is childish and unnecessary. Believe me; it’s not. I’ve not only lived with a visual creature for more than eleven years, but have reminisced with women who are doing the same. Much personal discussion and observation leads me to believe that many of us, overtime and after saying “I do,” face the temptation to become progressively lazy over time in one or more areas of physical responsibility. While on the one hand we should understand and also expect our men to know that perfection is impossible, on the other hand, we shouldn’t use imperfection as an excuse to be lazy! Consider the wise Proverbs 31 woman who
… watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness” (Proverbs 31:27).
Here’s a tip for this area: communicate! Ask your husband to share what tops his list when it comes to outer beauty. One wife, by doing this, discovered her husband is big on painted nails and high-lighted hair while another found her man prefers a natural look with no makeup whatsoever. And it doesn’t stop with the body. If you’re a homemaker, for example, you might ask what he notices after stepping in the door after work. By way of discussion, a stay-at-home mom recently learned her man sees a clean house if three simple things are done: the bed made, the dishes put away, and the floor vacuumed. A load was lifted off her shoulders when she learned she could stop perfecting every nook and cranny of their home. Only your spouse can tell you what he sees. Who knows? Perhaps something as simple as trimmed eyebrows and a new nightgown just might lure him your way!
Intrinsic beauty
While extrinsic beauty may hold some value, intrinsic beauty is of more importance to your marriage relationship. Why? Because while outer beauty may have played a role in attracting your husband to you, it’s not what will keep him looking your way. Truth is, we all age physically whether we like it or not. So women, no matter how much help we think plastic surgery might give us, we simply aren’t gonna get better lookin’ outwardly over time. The good thing, however, is that inner beauty does not have to fade. Inwardly, we have the potential to grow more gorgeous every single day. And did you know that with genuine inner beauty comes power—power to attract even those husband’s who do not know Christ!? Consider the words of Peter below:
Wives, … be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful” (1 Peter 3:7).
Galatians 22 also offers attraction advice. It inspires us to be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, good, kind, gentle, faithful and self-controlled. Believe it or not, child of God, you already possess these fruits (or at least seeds) of the spirit because you are a temple of the Holy Spirit. Did you read that correctly? You possess the full essence of God’s beauty living on the inside of you. Won’t you believe today that God Himself desires to shine through you to manifest His awesome display of gorgeousness to your husband and to those in your world! Who knows? Genuine inner beauty just may well be the number one thing God intends to use in this season of your marriage relationship to draw your husband closer to you!
If you want to become more attractive on the inside where it really counts, go straight to the source—the Creator of all things — and choose to “abide in Him” (John 15:19)! God cares more about you and your man than does anyone else on the face of this earth. Consider Ruth whose God-given strategy for attracting Boaz was simply to know and obey God! Ruth’s faithfulness toward God was reflected in the loyalty she showed toward His people and her husband. She imitated God’s loving faithfulness because she knew and sought to please her Lord above anyone else! Quite frankly, unless we imitate “holy women of the past” like Ruth there is a strong possibility we’ll end up repelling our husband’s to the point that they, as the writer of Proverbs once wrote, would rather “…live on the corner of the roof” than with us!
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:30).
In closing, I feel compelled to address those of you who may be thinking, “I’ve not only tried these tips but others and far too long. I feel as valuable as a fly on the wall to my husband. He hardly, if ever, tells me I’m beautiful.” As did Ruth, sister in Christ, you must choose to rest and trust in what God alone says about you. While Matthew McConaughey’s romantic verbal affection in some movies might tempt you to think you’d like the same treatment from your husband (I admit it might be nice from time to time), it’s not ultimately going to satisfy our soul. Keep your head on straight and believe what God says about you. Remember, God in His sovereignty has an appointed time for good change in your relationship to take place; His plan will progress on His schedule. Whether it takes moments or years for your spouse to appreciate your beauty, God desires to bring it to pass! He is able and willing not only to make you, but also your marriage more beautiful in His time (Ecclesiastes 3:11). Here are a few scriptures for you to reflect on:
Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4).
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14)
For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).
FEATURED CONTRIBUTOR:
Dani Miser is an author and speaker. She is passionate about encouraging others to honor God in their relationships! She truly believes God’s plans for our lives, especially in regards to marriage, are better than the plans we have for ourselves! In chapter one of her book, Single Woman Seeks Perfect Man: Facing the Consequences of Unhealthy Relationships, her testimony displays living proof that God longs to be invited as matchmaker into the lives of His children! Dani has written for publications such as CBN, Archsa.org, Youth Worker Journal, and the Healing Hope Herald. Her book has also been featured on a variety of television and radio broadcasts such as Canada’s Most Listened to Spiritual Talk Show (drewmarshall.ca) and WATC-TV Atlanta, Georgia. Dani and her husband, Cody, reside in in Wichita Falls, Texas, and have three boys ages 5, 7, and 9. Recently, they’ve been blessed with an opportunity to pursue adopting a fourth child! For more information about Dani or her book, visit her blog.
