Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior” (Ephesians 5:22-23).
In a recent premarital counseling session, things got pretty heated and rather uncomfortable when the topic of authority and headship came up. Things escalated to the point of our counselor being so concerned that he almost didn’t feel comfortable marrying us. Only by God’s sufficient grace did I have the power to not break down in tears. One of my only wedding-day dreams has been for my uncle to perform the wedding ceremony, so the fact that he was concerned enough to withdraw himself really put me in a tail-spin of questioning and doubt.
Lord, what on earth does it mean to submit, and how in the world am I going to honor my fiancé in this situation,”
I silently prayed. First, the Lord gave me the strength to learn from past “sanctifying situations” and remain calm and emotionally controlled so that I did not make matters worse by yelling, crying, blaming or being defensive (as have all been my tactics in the past). Second, He reminded me that submitting to my future husband is, in effect, submitting to Him.
I don’t know if it is a result of the feminist movement or what but Paul’s exhortation for wives to submit to their husbands really rubs some people the wrong way. In my own biblical study and what I feel that the Holy Spirit has led me to understand is this: There needs to be an understanding of mutual submission one to another that comes from a place of submission to Christ first (Ephesians 5:21). Therefore, submission is a two way street!
As I started down this rabbit trail of what biblical submission is, I felt that God convicted me; Maybe I was asking the wrong questions. I would have loved to delve deeper into what biblical submission looks like and maybe someday I will. But during my quiet time this morning, I felt the Lord pulling me away from my desire to read everything the Bible and the “spiritual giants” have to say on this topic. I was nudged to go for a run with Him and I trusted that, just as He has faithfully done in the past, He would use the time to speak to my heart.
I came away from the long run with some very important truths. Although they are very specific to my current situation, I think there are benefits of sharing what I have gleaned.
First, God opened my eyes to see that many of the issues that my fiancé and I have faced have been initiated by the concerns of those around us. I agree with the Proverb that “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed,” (Proverbs 15:22). If there were glaring red flags about our emotional, relational or spiritual compatibility then I could understand some interjection from our loved ones. However, there have been many unwarranted opinions and much freely-given, but not asked for, advice. Learning how to “leave and cleave” during this transitional period of engagement has resulted in a lot of growing pains. The Holy Spirit gently reminded me today that my fiancé and I need to stay focused on what our concerns and issues are, take everyone else’s opinions and feelings with a grain of salt, and prayerfully consider how we can submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Second, I feel that God really spoke to the root of all that this issue uncovered. My fiancé and I are in different places in our spiritual journeys and as male and female our responses to, relationship with, even worship of Christ looks and feels different. My beloved hails from a very fundamental Baptist church. I, on the other hand, have found that I prefer worshiping at a non-denominational, more progressive church. We are both completely aware of what this means for our future: We are going to be challenged as we look for a church home once we are married and settle in a new city.
While begging to ignore the speck in my fiancé’s eye and searching hard and fast for the plank in my own, I felt God telling me that it doesn’t matter what church I go to. My worship and walk with Christ isn’t about where I go to church. I am responsible for cultivating my relationship with Him whether I am at a church that inspires me to do that or not. God has granted me the desires of my heart to know Him more and to learn how to “dig deeper” into His Word on my own. I am no longer a babe in need of milk. I have matured to solid food, if you will, and He has commanded me to feed myself. He made it ever so obvious that I need to uproot the rebel inside of me who demands to have my preferences validated, appreciated and adopted.
Submitting to my husband, then, in this case, is ultimately submitting to the Lord and trusting that as I delight myself in Him, He will give me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4). At this stage in life my desire is to continue to know Him more, and to be a 1 Peter 3 kind of wife. A wife who encourages her husband by the purity and reverence for Christ that he sees in my life. I want to be supportive and respectful in his spiritual journey.
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” 1 Peter 3:1-2
FEATURED GUEST — Kristen Lindquist: Nomadic by nature and circumstance, Kristen has grown up along the east coast, moved more times than she can count, and attended more schools than she can remember. Most recently, she did a lot of spiritual growing on the “third coast” where she attended Moody Theological Seminary and (mostly) embraced city living. To her joy and amazement, and as a testimony to God’s redemptive grace, Kristen and her husband, Aaron, live in Virginia Beach where she teaches 5th grade and is learning how to apply Ephesians 5:21.
